How long does it take a baby to die in the microwave?

I don't know, I lose track of time when I have an erection.

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Lose Jokes More Lose Jokes

What did the big hairy monster do when he lost a hand?

He went to the second-hand shop.

What do a redneck divorce and a burning meth lab have in common?

Someone's losing a trailer.

Know Jokes More Know Jokes

Which actress would you like to get stuck in an elevator with?

Me: One who knows how to fix elevators.

Why couldn't the blonde write the number ELEVEN?

A: Because she didn't know which one came first!

Erection Jokes More Erection Jokes

Why was the naturists wedding delayed?

The ring bearer had an erection.

What do you get when you stab a toddler with a pair of scissors?

An erection.

Time Jokes More Time Jokes

How did the hour and minute hands of the clock get cancer?

Second hand smoking! My own joke that I've been meaning to put up for a while. Time to see how it goes haha.

Why did the idiot have his sundial floodlit ?

So he could tell the time at night !

Die Jokes More Die Jokes

What is the last thing a redneck says before he dies?

ya'll watch this!

Where do cats go when they die?

Purrgutory.

Microwave Jokes More Microwave Jokes

How many kittens can you stuff into a microwave for 15 minutes on defrost...?

SEVEN.

What does a baby sound like when you put it in the microwave?

Idk, I was too busy jacking off...

Baby Jokes More Baby Jokes

What do you call a baby from Dover?

Doverkiin.

What can we do to make it even scarier?

Put a toy for babies on its tail. YES

Track Jokes More Track Jokes

What's the difference between a midget chess team and a ladies track team?

One is a group of cunning little runts.... the other is a group of running little C

Why are modern women more likely to pursue a STEM degree?

They need to learn scientific notation to keep track of their n-count.