How long does it take a baby to die in the microwave?

I don't know, I lose track of time when I have an erection.

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Lose Jokes More Lose Jokes

Why did Mario lose a life?

He stubbed his MiyamoToe. ...I'll see my way out.

Why was the banker bored?

Because he lost interest in everything.

Know Jokes More Know Jokes

How do you know ancient Egyptians were black?

Because they never dig up daddies.

What do you call a tree if you don't know what kind of tree it is?

It's a mystery.

Erection Jokes More Erection Jokes

Why was the naturists wedding delayed?

The ring bearer had an erection.

How do Japanese politicians say they got their positions?

With erections.

Time Jokes More Time Jokes

What did Hamlet say when he heard dubstep for the first time?

Aye, there's the wub"

What is the difference between a good joke and a bad joke?

Timing

Die Jokes More Die Jokes

How did the Pillsbury Dough Boy Die?

A Yeast Infection

What's the last thing a Redneck says before he dies?

Watch this!

Microwave Jokes More Microwave Jokes

What's "saying grace?

Me: It's when we thank the one who provided our food. 4-year-old: We thank the microwave

How did the tiny frozen dinner meet the little kid's belly?

microwave

Baby Jokes More Baby Jokes

Why couldn't the baby Jesus be born in Montana?

They couldn't find 3 wise men or a virgin!

What did the sperm say to the egg?

Nice to meet you. Wanna make a baby?

Track Jokes More Track Jokes

Why did the emo chicken go across the road?

He was afraid to go down the tracks.

Who has time to monitor followers/unfollowers?

I can barely keep track of my kids and I only have 1 of those. Wait. Two. I have 2 kids.