How long does it take a baby to die in the microwave?

I don't know, I lose track of time when I have an erection.

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Lose Jokes More Lose Jokes

Why can't pirates recite the alphabet?

They keep getting lost at sea.

What do you call a man who loses pounds for a living?

A bad gambler

Know Jokes More Know Jokes

How do you know if Buzzfeed article is stolen?

You get the feeling that you've Reddit before.

What if I took the dumbest person I know, got them severely drunk, and challenged them to finish my sentences?

inventor of Autocorrect

Erection Jokes More Erection Jokes

Why does the Asian News Anchor not stand up from behind his desk during presidential races?

because he's covering an erection!

What's the hardest part about walking through a field of dead babies?

My erection.

Time Jokes More Time Jokes

What kind of watch is best for people who don't like time on their hands?

A pocket watch.

Why do rednecks love fall?

Because it's the only time of year they can pump kin.

Die Jokes More Die Jokes

What do you do when a Chemistry teacher dies ?

Barium

What is Tom Brady's favorite opera?

Deflatermaus! (Die Fledermaus!)

Microwave Jokes More Microwave Jokes

What's black and taps on the window?

A baby in the microwave :)

Whats the hardest thing about microwaving vegtables?

fitting the wheelchair in the microwave.

Baby Jokes More Baby Jokes

What's the difference between a baby and a bowling ball?

You can't unload a truck full of bowling balls with a pitchfork.

What do you call it when a baby tells you off?

A fedis.

Track Jokes More Track Jokes

How do beer companies track their sales?

On dos axes

What's the difference between a midget chess team and a ladies track team?

One is a group of cunning little runts.... the other is a group of running little C