Why do people congratulate you when Mom is the one making the baby?

Me: I helped 5: How Me: 5: Me: I read her the instructions

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People Jokes More People Jokes

Why are sinks depressed?

People look down on them.

What do you call people who pretend to be Irish on St. Patrick's Day?

Counterfitz

Mom Jokes More Mom Jokes

How did your mom know you hadn't washed your face?

I forgot to wet the soap.

How many times do I have to tell you this Mom?

I have thousands of fans who need to know my thoughts. So, no I can't take out the garbage.

Baby Jokes More Baby Jokes

What's blue and yellow and sits at the bottom of the pool?

A baby with slashed floaties. What's red and yellow and floats on top of the pool? Floaties with a slashed baby.

What did Eric Clapton do after he wrote Tears in Heaven?

Threw his baby out the window.

Read Jokes More Read Jokes

What does a redditer say when he reads a joke on r/jokes?

We saw that same joke two days ago

What do you call a family of redheads?

Gingerbread. Edit: This is more of an out-loud joke. So, maybe it'll help if it read: "Ginger-bred" instead.

5 Jokes More 5 Jokes

What animal runs around happily with 5 legs?

A pit bull in a kindergarten

What does Jimmy Buffett's chicken say?

It's 5 o'cluck somewhere.

Help Jokes More Help Jokes

How do you help a lemon?

Lemon-aid.

How can I help you?

Me: "Why did you guys put my frog on the No-Fly List !" Agent: "Umm..." Me: "DAMMIT, HE'S STARVING!"

Instruction Jokes More Instruction Jokes

Why is there no point in sending medicine to Athiopia?

Because the instructions usually say: "Take after meals."

Why wasn't I able to see the instruction manual?

Because the instructions were clear.

Congratulate Jokes More Congratulate Jokes

Why do people congratulate you when Mom is the one making the baby?

Me: I helped 5: How Me: 5: Me: I read her the instructions

How did the triangle congratulate the other triangle after hooking up with pentagon?

3edgy5me