Obtain Jokes

How does a cougar obtain the perfect tan?

She uses a perfect son.

Couple's Daily Question Mug

Couple's Daily Question Mug

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Why did the nurse always insist on using the rectal thermometer to obtain temperatures?

Because nurses are taught in nursing school to always look for her patient's best side.

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Nurse Jokes More Nurse Jokes

What did the emu say to the nurse?

A: Mend her bones or walk the plank

How can you tell which nurse is the head nurse at a hospital?

She's the one with the dirty knees.

Use Jokes More Use Jokes

What do Chinese bears use to cook?

A pan. Duh!

What kind of bathroom does Napoleon use?

A Waterloo

Cougar Jokes More Cougar Jokes

What do John Mellencamp and Ashton Kutcher have in common?

They both picked up a Cougar and then thought better of it.

What do you call a cat that claims it's a lion crossed with a cougar?

A liar.

Temperature Jokes More Temperature Jokes

What is the temperature of my son's lightsaber?

Lukewarm.

Why do I have a temperature of 101.3?

Me: Maybe you're pregnant Wife: What's wrong with you *damn you webMD, damn you.

Insist Jokes More Insist Jokes

Why do tailors hate statisticians?

They insist that the fit could be better.

When do men insist that women are illogical?

When a woman doesn't agree with them.

Rectal Thermometer Jokes More Rectal Thermometer Jokes

What's the difference between an oral thermometer and a rectal thermometer?

The taste

What's the difference between a rectal thermometer and an oral thermometer?

The taste!

Teach Jokes More Teach Jokes

What do you get when you teach Android grammar?

A droid

What did Walter White teach?

Advanced methematics.

Look Jokes More Look Jokes

What do you call a masochist looking for a hookup?

Cruisin' for a bruisin'

How do you tell the difference between an introvert or extrovert software engineer?

The extrovert looks at your feet when talking.