Ounce Jokes

How do people in other countries tell if kids are using drugs?

Here in the U.S. we just ask them how many grams are in an ounce.

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What is the difference between an ounce of cocaine and an infant?

Eric Clapton would absolutely NEVER let an ounce of cociane fall 49 stories out a window onto the streets of New York.

What's the difference between a baby and an ounce of Coke?

Eric Clapton would never drop an ounce of Coke out of a window

Why was the CEO of Pepsi fired?

They caught him with an ounce of coke in his system.

What's the pound's new name?

The ounce

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Infant Jokes More Infant Jokes

What's the best part about getting head from an infant?

Watching the soft spot move.

What do you call a sapling in the military?

An Infantry! (Infant tree, a sapling is a baby/young tree Ah forget it!)

Drop Jokes More Drop Jokes

Why did Jesus drop out of the carpentry business?

He got too attached to his work.

How is Michael Jackson like the thousands of people outside times square on new years?

Once the balls drop, They're no longer interested!

Difference Jokes More Difference Jokes

What's the difference between a basketball player and a mexican?

Nothing, they both run, jump, shoot and steal.

What's the difference between the ISIS headquarters and a kindergarten?

I don't know, I just fly the drone.

Ask Jokes More Ask Jokes

Why dad?

he asks. Because my arm is getting tired

What would Arnold Schwarzenegger say if you asked him his favorite holiday?

You have to love easter, baby." (OC)

Disgrace Jokes More Disgrace Jokes

Why is it good that accordionists have a half-ounce more brains than horses?

A: So they don't disgrace themselves in parades.

What do read heads get when they don't brush their teeth?

Gingervitis Edit: redheads. I am a disgrace.

49 Jokes More 49 Jokes

Why were there only 49 contestants in the National Ebonics Beauty Pageant?

Nobody wanted to wear the sash that says "Idaho".

What is the difference between an ounce of cocaine and an infant?

Eric Clapton would absolutely NEVER let an ounce of cociane fall 49 stories out a window onto the streets of New York.

Tell Jokes More Tell Jokes

How many mosquitoes does it take to screw in a light bulb?

2...and don't ask me how they got in there. (My 87 year old grandma just told me this one)

How can you tell if a dictionary has been working out?

You can see the definition.

Use Jokes More Use Jokes

Which of the seven dwarfs use the Internet?

Happ-e Sleep-e Grump-e Dope-e and Sneez-e.

Why do Republicans use rulers?

They want everything to be straight.