Pond Jokes

How does a duck swim from one side of the pond to the other?

Very Quackly

Couple's Daily Question Mug

Coffee Mug

What's yellow and lies in a pond?

Disclaimer: I don't know how well this joke will work in english. What's yellow and lies in a pond? An excevator. You don't think this is funny? Neither does the operator.

What are you doing here?

I just got fired from the circus "Oh my" Yeah, the calibration on my cannon was way off. I landed in your pond

How do you know it's safe to feed the ducks the same thing as the Canadian geese down at the pond?

Because what's good the goose is good for Merganser.

What do you get when you cross a pond and a stream?

A: Wet feet.

How can you tell a bagpiper with perfect pitch?

A. He can throw a set into the middle of a pond and not hit any of the ducks.

What do you get if you cross a pond with snowshoes?

Wet.

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Why do scientists look for things twice?

A: Because they research everything.

How are babies like hinges?

They are things to adore

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What do you call it when your lizard doesn't know how to use the internet?

e-reptile dysfunction

Why couldn't the lizard be aroused?

He had a reptile dysfunction (I just made that up but I'm sure it's been thought of)

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How do we know there are so many environmentalists on reddit?

A. Because everyone keep recycling the same jokes

Why did the dyslexic escapologist join the International Socialists?

A. because he wanted to help untie the human race.

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What do you call a pastry with an English degree?

A synonym roll

What is Black, White and Red all over?

My English Monologue Draft...

Canadian Jokes More Canadian Jokes

What does a Canadian get by mixing black and white?

Greh.

What are the rules about Canadians?

Does everybody get one Do I get to choose Where do I sign up

Middle Jokes More Middle Jokes

How can you tell if you're in Detroit or across the river in Windsor Ontario Canada?

Stand in the middle of the street. If someone yells, "hey, get out of the street" you're in the US. If they yell, "get out of the street, eh" you're in Canada

What do you call an elephant creeping through the jungle in the middle of the night ?

Russell !

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Who's there ! Bean ! Bean who ?

Bean working very hard today !

Why doesn't communism work in a school enviroment?

Because everyone would get the same Marx.

Hit Jokes More Hit Jokes

How did the blind skydiver know he was about to hit the ground?

He felt the slack in his dog's leash.

Why should you never hit people with violins?

Because violins is not the answer...