Roast Beef Jokes

What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup?

Everyone can roast beef, but no one can pea soup.

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What is the difference between roast beef and pee soup?

You can roast beef.

What' the difference between roast beef and pea soup?

Anyone can roast beef, but not everyone can pea soup. (As told by my 8yo, who made me laugh with a joke for the first time. Proud dad moment.)

What does the ghost like on his roast beef?

grave-y gravy

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She draws a smack!

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Chickpea

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What's the difference between a well-dressed man on a unicycle, and a poorly dressed man on a bicycle?

Attire.

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If you leave the yogurt for 100 years alone, it develops a culture.

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Why is the peanut crying?

Because he couldn't handle his roast

What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup?

Everyone can roast beef, but no one can pea soup.

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What's an idealist vegetarian's favorite meal?

Peas and hominy

What do an Iraqi baby, an American president, and a homesick Brit visiting Jerusalem all want?

They all want either pees, peace or peas in the middle east.

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What did they sew you up with?

My Dad laughing so hard - as he said "That's not funny!" Cat Gut

Why did the boy laugh when he was molested by a test?

Because the testicles

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What do communists put in their soup?

Soviet Onions.

Why did the Irishman only put 239 beans in his soup?

Because one more would have been too farty.

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How do you get a post that's not a joke into /r/jokes?

Like this.

What do you call someone who knows all?

Nostril-damus. &ampnbsp Works better if you read the joke out loud.

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Why did the ghost go into rehab?

He had a problem with boos.

What happened when a ghost asked for a brandy at his local pub?

The landlord said "Sorry we don't serve spirits."