Shopping Jokes

Why do women live longer than men?

Shopping never causes heart attacks, but paying the bill does!

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Where do Siths do their shopping?

At the Darth Mall

Where does a Sith Lord do their shopping?

The Maul.

Where did the ghost go shopping?

At the BOO-tique

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Hour Jokes More Hour Jokes

What's it called when two morticians argue for hours on who gets to bang a corpse?

A stalemate.

How much does a plumber make in an hour?

It depends on how much crack he can produce.

Shop Jokes More Shop Jokes

Where's your maternity section?

Her: Over there. How far along is she Me: Her I'm shopping for my Thanksgiving pants. Her...

What did the surrealist butcher name his shop?

Salvador Deli

Carry Jokes More Carry Jokes

Why did Bill Murray's cameo have a sore back?

It had to carry the new Ghostbusters movie for almost two hours.

Why can't the cops keep calm and carry on ?

Because they carry guns instead

Difference Jokes More Difference Jokes

What is the difference between Elliot Rodgers and Malaysia Airlines?

Malaysia Airlines only has been shot down once.

What the difference between a feminist and a pencil?

The pencil has a point

Beyonce Jokes More Beyonce Jokes

What did Jay-Z call Beyonce before they got married?

Feyonce

Why Beyonce?

Why did Beyonce sing 'to the left', 'to the left'? - Because black people have no rights...

Second Hand Shop Jokes More Second Hand Shop Jokes

What did the big hairy monster do when he lost a hand?

He went to the second-hand shop.

Why did the one-handed man cross the road?

A: To get to the second hand shop.

Write Jokes More Write Jokes

How did my doctor know I have minor IBS?

I just asked him to edit my essay and he said I have semi colon problems. He must be a smart guy if he can figure that out from my writing.

What do Lady Gaga and E. L. James have in common?

They both wrote bad romance.

Spell Jokes More Spell Jokes

How do you spell "Pringles" in Spanish?

Pringls

Why did the kid cross the playground?

To get to the other slide. Edit: spelling.