Shopping Jokes

Why do women live longer than men?

Shopping never causes heart attacks, but paying the bill does!

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Where do Siths do their shopping?

At the Darth Mall

Where does a Sith Lord do their shopping?

The Maul.

Where did the ghost go shopping?

At the BOO-tique

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Beyonce Jokes More Beyonce Jokes

What did Jay-Z call Beyonce after they got engaged?

Fiancee.

What do you get if you encase Beyonce in rubber and drop her off a cliff?

Bouncy Beyonce.

Shop Jokes More Shop Jokes

When is the best time to go shopping?

When the stores are open.

Why was the blonde crawling on the ground in the shop?

She was trying to find the lowest prices

Brother Jokes More Brother Jokes

How many "can't"s can a white girl "can't" before she literally can't even?

my brother asked me this when i woke up and it has been bugging me all day.

How do you know God isn't black?

Because it's not "I is who I is" My brother is 35...

Second Jokes More Second Jokes

How many bodybuilders does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Two. One to do it, a second to keep yelling, "You're lookin' BIG, man!"

How many Librans does it take to change a lightbulb?

A: Er two. Or maybe one. No --- on second thoughts make that two. Is that okay with you

Feed Jokes More Feed Jokes

What happens when you keep feeding a cow money?

You get rich milk.

What do you call it when you feed a stick of dynamite to a steer?

Abominable! (say it out loud, slowly)

Carry Jokes More Carry Jokes

Why does Snoop Dog carry an umbrella?

For drizzle.

Why do the English always carry umbrellas?

Because umbrellas can't walk

Hour Jokes More Hour Jokes

What can relax you and drown you at the same time?

A one-hour facial.

What is dumber than the Blonde jokes above?

A: Me for wasting hours editing and typing these damn things.

Exhibit Jokes More Exhibit Jokes

Why did the artist put on a show of horse paintings?

He wanted to mount an exhibit!

What's the difference between a shopping cart and a radical feminist?

A shopping cart will, on occasion, exhibit a mind of it's own