Thermometer Jokes

How can you tell the difference between a thermometer and a rectal thermometer?

The taste.

Couple's Daily Question Mug

5.0

Coffee Mug

How are you feeling?

The thermometer responded, "0K."

How is a thief like a thermometer on a hot day?

A: They are both up to something.

What did the thermometer say to the other thermometer?

A: You make my temperature rise.

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Look Jokes More Look Jokes

What's the longest you've ever stared at your phone without glancing up to look at the road while driving?

For me it's three weeks.

What is best potato?

Latvian potato is best potato. Is kind you spend whole life looking for. Also, low calories.

Use Jokes More Use Jokes

How do I like using Tinder?

It's all right!

Why do towels get dirty?

If we use towels just to dry ourselves after washing off dirt and what not. Why do they get dirty??

Oral Thermometer Jokes More Oral Thermometer Jokes

Whats the difference between a rectal and an oral thermometer?

The taste.

What's the difference between a rectal thermometer and an oral thermometer?

The taste!

Difference Jokes More Difference Jokes

Whats the Difference between a Third-Wave Feminist and a Pencil?

The pencil has a point

What is the difference between a baby and a bag of cocaine?

Eric Clapton would NEVER drop a bag of cocaine.

Ban Jokes More Ban Jokes

Why do churches ban Wi-Fi?

Because they can't compete with an invisible power that actually exists

Why has the Malaysian Government banned Cheese Boards?

Because people keep reporting they've found de brie.

Hot Day Jokes More Hot Day Jokes

What do you call a hot day in Canada?

A Nova Scorcha!

What do you call a party thrown by a Terrorist at a bar on a hot day in Hawaii?

A-lou-AK-bar.

Temperature Jokes More Temperature Jokes

What is the temperature of a Tauntaun?

Luke warm

What's the temperature inside a TaunTaun?

Lukewarm

Tell Jokes More Tell Jokes

How can you tell when a wine connoisseur is happy?

They have a semillon!

How can you tell, with 100% certainty, that no intelligent alien life exists that we know of?

Because if it did, we'd have sent foreign aid by now.