How'd you sleep last night?

Son says: "umm... With my eyes closed " Edit: This actually happened btw. Probably funnier irl.

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Happen Jokes More Happen Jokes

What happened to the tree after it caught fire?

It became entally handicapped

What happens if you cross a snowman and a vampire?

You get a frostbite.

Sleep Jokes More Sleep Jokes

Why do flamingos sleep with one leg up?

Because if they slept with two legs up they'd fall over

What does Bill Cosby do when he can't sleep at night?

He finishes her drink EDIT: Apparently this is Conan's joke, so all credit goes to him. I just heard it from a friend of mine and I had no idea.

Close Jokes More Close Jokes

Why wasn't the fella able to get out when he fell in the river?

Cause it was on a Sunday and the banks were closed

Why did the electrician close early on Mondays?

Because business was very light.

Son Jokes More Son Jokes

What do you call a spy that likes to spend time with his son?

James Bonding bah dun tss

Why are Mumford & Sons the only agnostic rock band?

Because they don't even know if they believe.

Edit Jokes More Edit Jokes

What does a suicidal person say while leaving a party?

I want to hang by myself for a bit. Edit: Not suicidal. Just gallows humor.

What do you can an epileptic What do you call an epileptic in a garden?

Seizure salad. edit: fixed the word 'call'

Eye Jokes More Eye Jokes

Why do Russian police officers always work in groups of three?

One of them can read, and one of them can write. The third one is there to keep an eye on the two intellectuals.

What do you call jokes about eyes?

Vitreous humour.

Night Jokes More Night Jokes

What did one strawberry say to the other?

If you weren't so fresh last night we wouldn't be in this jam.

How was the party last night?

17: It was fun. The cops came. Me: What 17: Nah, it's cool. We got away. Me: That's my girl.