Why do police officers sleep with two rocks near their bed?

With one he turns off the light, With the other he checks if the window is closed

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Bed Jokes More Bed Jokes

When someone ask me... How are you?

I answer back... You mean in bed

What did the blanket say to the bed?

Don't worry, I've got you covered.

Light Jokes More Light Jokes

Who's there ! Brighton ! Brighton who ?

Brighton-der the light of the moon !

Why do stop lights turn red?

You would turn red too if you had to change in front of everybody.

Turn Jokes More Turn Jokes

Which among them goes completely ignored?

The turn signals.

Why did the cat put the letter "M" into the fridge ?

Because it turns "ice" into "mice" !

Sleep Jokes More Sleep Jokes

What do you get when you sleep with all 140 characters of twitter?

A rashtag.

What do you call a tissue that is sleeping?

A napkin

Check Jokes More Check Jokes

What do you call it when stoners split a check?

High finance.

How badly?

ME: I want you checking thesaurus in a panic haphazardly

Window Jokes More Window Jokes

Why does it go from Windows 8 to 10?

Because Windows 7 8 9

Why did Microsoft go straight to Windows 10?

Because 7 8 9

Rock Jokes More Rock Jokes

Why shouldn't you throw a rock at a Mexican riding a bike?

Because that might be your bike

What's a priest's favorite type of rock?

Pummus.

Close Jokes More Close Jokes

What did the vinaigrette say to the refrigerator?

Close the door! I'm dressing!

Why did Cyclops close his school?

He only had one pupil.

Police Officer Jokes More Police Officer Jokes

What did a police officer write in the criminal report, when they found a homey from the bottom of a lake, wrapped in 200 kg's of metal chains?

Offender stole more than he could carry by swimming

What is the favorite saying of a police officer in the Simpsons?

If it's yellow let it mellow, if it's brown shoot it down.