Why do Scotsmen wear kilts?

Because a sheep can hear a zipper from a mile away.

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Hear Jokes More Hear Jokes

What is the craziest/weirdest/most interesting/most unique/ uncommon phrase you've ever heard ?

I am working on a project, and its going to revolve around a phrase. I need it to be really out there, yet could be used in everyday life. But honestly just give me anything you got.

Why did the Tour de France get raided?

The police heard it was full of pedal-philes.

Wear Jokes More Wear Jokes

Why couldn't anyone hear Hellen Keller scream?

She was wearing mittens.

What kind of clothes do lawyers wear?

Lawsuits.

Scotsman Jokes More Scotsman Jokes

What's the difference between a Scotsman and the Rolling Stones?

The Rolling Stones say 'hey you, get off my cloud.' the Scotsman says 'hey MaCleod, get off my ewe.'

What do you call a Scotsman who works in a cloakroom?

Angus McCoatup

Mile Jokes More Mile Jokes

What did the blonde do when she discovered that most accidents happen within a mile from home?

She moved.

Why do they wear skirts in New Zealand?

Because sheep can hear a zipper from a mile away.

Sheep Jokes More Sheep Jokes

How did the sheep get a Nobel Prize?

It was out standing in its field!

What's the difference between the 2016 presidential debates and a pen of baboons relentlessly fighting over the dead stinking corpse of a sheep?

Microphones!

Zipper Jokes More Zipper Jokes

What has 72 teeth and holds back the hulk?

My zipper.

Why do Scots wear kilts?

Sheep can hear a zipper from a mile away.

Kilt Jokes More Kilt Jokes

What does robbing a Scotsman get you?

Kilt

What does a Scotsman wear under his kilt?

The codpiece he made out of his girlfriend's face.