Scotsman Jokes

What do you call a Scotsman who works in a cloakroom?

Angus McCoatup

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What's the difference between Mick Jagger and a Scotsman?

Mick Jagger says, "Hey you, get offa' my cloud." A Scotsman says, "Hey McCloud, get offa' my ewe."

What would a Scotsman call a mountain which is on the moon?

A moon-tain.

What's the difference between Mic Jagger and a Scotsman?

Mic Jagger says "Hey you, get off of my cloud". A Scotsman says "Hey, McLeod! Get off of my ewe!"

What does robbing a Scotsman get you?

Kilt

What do you call a Scotsman with gas after a dodgy curry?

Bravefart

Why do Scotsmen wear kilts?

Because a sheep can hear a zipper from a mile away.

What did the Scotsman say when he ripped his trousers?

Och noo, me troosers!

What's the difference between the Rolling Stones and Scotsman?

The Rolling Stones say "Hey, you, get off of my cloud." A Scotsman says "Hey, McCloud, get off of my ewe."

How can you tell the clan of a Scotsman?

Look under his kilt, if it's a quarter-pounder, he's a McDonald.

What does a Scotsman wear under his kilt?

The codpiece he made out of his girlfriend's face.

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Which language does a drunk Scotsman speak?

x-post /r/puns Scotch.

Why do Scotsmen screw their sheep by the side of a cliff?

Because they push back harder.

What's the difference... ...between Mick Jagger and an angry Scotsman?

One says "Hey, you, get off of my cloud!" The other says "Hey, McLeod, get off of my ewe!"

Why was the Scotsman buried on the hill?

He died.

How to tell an Irishman from a Scotsman on St. Patrick's day?

One wants to stay drunk all the time and the other doesn't want to pay the tab.

What's the difference between a Scotsman and the Rolling Stones?

The Rolling Stones say 'hey you, get off my cloud.' the Scotsman says 'hey MaCleod, get off my ewe.'

Why do Scotsman wear kilts?

Because sheep can hear a zipper a mile away.

How many Scotsmen does it take to change a light bulb?

A: Scotsmen don't change light bulbs it's cheaper to sit in the dark

What's the difference between the Rolling Stones and a Scotsman?

The Rolling Stones sing "Hey You! Get off of my cloud!" A Scotsman shouts "Hey Mcleod!! Get off of my ewe!"

Why did the Scotsman sell drugs?

He had to get plaid.

What's the difference between a Scotsman and a Rolling Stone?

A: A Rolling Stone says "hey you get off of my cloud!" while a Scotsman says "Hey McLeod get off of my ewe!"

What did the Scotsman say when he went for another drink?

Hey, where'd my Glascow "

What's the difference between an angel and a Scotsman?

To one you say, "Hey you, get off my cloud!" The other: "Hey McLoed, get off my ewe!"

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Why does the sun set at night?

The moon scares the daylights out of it!

What time do werewolf Cowboys have a shootout?

High Moon!

Die Jokes More Die Jokes

What happened when a deadly rattle snake bit a witch ?

He died in agony !

How would you feel if I die?

Husband: I will go mad with grief. Wife (a bit glad): You wouldn't remarry, would you Husband: You never know. A mad man can do anything!

Kilt Jokes More Kilt Jokes

What do you call a bunny in a kilt?

A hopscotch

Why do Scotsmen wear kilts?

Because a sheep can hear a zipper from a mile away.

Mick Jagger Jokes More Mick Jagger Jokes

What is the difference between Mick Jagger and a Scottish farmer?

One says, "Hey, you, get off of my cloud!". The other says "Hey, McCloud, get off of my ewe!".

What did Mick Jagger say when he walked in on Hugh Hefner in bed with Dennis Weaver?

He said "Hey Hey Hugh Hugh Get Off Of McCould"

Hill Jokes More Hill Jokes

What did the hill that was counting its pocket change say to the other hill?

Don't worry, I'm just amounting.

What is red and white and red and white and red and ....?

Santa Clause rolling down a hill

Difference Jokes More Difference Jokes

What's the difference between white people and yogurt?

If you leave yogurt alone for 200 years it will finally develop its own cultures

What's the difference between a bluebird and a elephant?

They both have wings, except for the elephant.

Hey Jokes More Hey Jokes

What is the difference between Mick Jagger and a Scottish farmer?

One says, "Hey, you, get off of my cloud!". The other says "Hey, McCloud, get off of my ewe!".

How do you sell a chicken to someone who is hard-of-hearing?

HEY!!! DO YOU WANT TO BUY A CHICKEN!?!?!?!

Bury Jokes More Bury Jokes

Why are lawyers always buried 15 feet deep?

Because deep down they're good people.

What do you call 25 attorneys buried up their chin in cement?

Not enough cement