Scotsman Jokes

What do you call a Scotsman who works in a cloakroom?

Angus McCoatup

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What's the difference between Mick Jagger and a Scotsman?

Mick Jagger says, "Hey you, get offa' my cloud." A Scotsman says, "Hey McCloud, get offa' my ewe."

What would a Scotsman call a mountain which is on the moon?

A moon-tain.

What's the difference between Mic Jagger and a Scotsman?

Mic Jagger says "Hey you, get off of my cloud". A Scotsman says "Hey, McLeod! Get off of my ewe!"

What does robbing a Scotsman get you?

Kilt

What do you call a Scotsman with gas after a dodgy curry?

Bravefart

Why do Scotsmen wear kilts?

Because a sheep can hear a zipper from a mile away.

What did the Scotsman say when he ripped his trousers?

Och noo, me troosers!

What's the difference between the Rolling Stones and Scotsman?

The Rolling Stones say "Hey, you, get off of my cloud." A Scotsman says "Hey, McCloud, get off of my ewe."

How can you tell the clan of a Scotsman?

Look under his kilt, if it's a quarter-pounder, he's a McDonald.

What does a Scotsman wear under his kilt?

The codpiece he made out of his girlfriend's face.

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Which language does a drunk Scotsman speak?

x-post /r/puns Scotch.

Why do Scotsmen screw their sheep by the side of a cliff?

Because they push back harder.

What's the difference... ...between Mick Jagger and an angry Scotsman?

One says "Hey, you, get off of my cloud!" The other says "Hey, McLeod, get off of my ewe!"

Why was the Scotsman buried on the hill?

He died.

How to tell an Irishman from a Scotsman on St. Patrick's day?

One wants to stay drunk all the time and the other doesn't want to pay the tab.

What's the difference between a Scotsman and the Rolling Stones?

The Rolling Stones say 'hey you, get off my cloud.' the Scotsman says 'hey MaCleod, get off my ewe.'

Why do Scotsman wear kilts?

Because sheep can hear a zipper a mile away.

How many Scotsmen does it take to change a light bulb?

A: Scotsmen don't change light bulbs it's cheaper to sit in the dark

What's the difference between the Rolling Stones and a Scotsman?

The Rolling Stones sing "Hey You! Get off of my cloud!" A Scotsman shouts "Hey Mcleod!! Get off of my ewe!"

Why did the Scotsman sell drugs?

He had to get plaid.

What's the difference between a Scotsman and a Rolling Stone?

A: A Rolling Stone says "hey you get off of my cloud!" while a Scotsman says "Hey McLeod get off of my ewe!"

What did the Scotsman say when he went for another drink?

Hey, where'd my Glascow "

What's the difference between an angel and a Scotsman?

To one you say, "Hey you, get off my cloud!" The other: "Hey McLoed, get off my ewe!"

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What's the difference between Mick Jagger and a Scottish shepherd?

One says, "Hey, you, get off of my cloud!" The other says, "Hey, MacLeod, get off of my ewe!

What's the difference between a Scotsman and the Rolling Stones?

The Rolling Stones say 'hey you, get off my cloud.' the Scotsman says 'hey MaCleod, get off my ewe.'

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What did the Scotsman say when he ripped his trousers?

Och noo, me troosers!

What do you call a man who wears crisp packets as trousers?

Russell.

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What do you call a holy man who works at McDonald's?

A Friar

What do Intel, Google, Uber, eBay, McDonalds, Budweiser, AT&T, Oracle, Disney, Boeing, IBM and Apple have in common?

Immigrants

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What's the difference between the Rolling Stones and Scotsman?

The Rolling Stones say "Hey, you, get off of my cloud." A Scotsman says "Hey, McCloud, get off of my ewe."

What is the difference between Mick Jagger and a Scottish farmer?

One says, "Hey, you, get off of my cloud!". The other says "Hey, McCloud, get off of my ewe!".

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Whats the difference between Mick Jagger and a Scottish farmer?

Mick Jagger sings eh you, get offa mai cloud, but the Scottish farmer says eh McLeod, get offa mai ewe!

What's the difference between a Scotsman and a Rolling Stone?

A: A Rolling Stone says "hey you get off of my cloud!" while a Scotsman says "Hey McLeod get off of my ewe!"

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How do you know that an Asian has robbed your house?

Your mailbox is missing!

Why did a Hispanic man rob a train?

He had loco motives!

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What do you call a parrot wearing a raincoat?

Polyunsaturated

What's blue and white and sits up a tree?

A fridge wearing a denim jacket.

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Why do women make bad engineers?

Their whole lives they have been told 5 inches is 8

Why can't geometry teachers tell good jokes?

They go off on tangents.