Scotsman Jokes

What do you call a Scotsman who works in a cloakroom?

Angus McCoatup

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What's the difference between Mick Jagger and a Scotsman?

Mick Jagger says, "Hey you, get offa' my cloud." A Scotsman says, "Hey McCloud, get offa' my ewe."

What would a Scotsman call a mountain which is on the moon?

A moon-tain.

What's the difference between Mic Jagger and a Scotsman?

Mic Jagger says "Hey you, get off of my cloud". A Scotsman says "Hey, McLeod! Get off of my ewe!"

What does robbing a Scotsman get you?

Kilt

What do you call a Scotsman with gas after a dodgy curry?

Bravefart

Why do Scotsmen wear kilts?

Because a sheep can hear a zipper from a mile away.

What did the Scotsman say when he ripped his trousers?

Och noo, me troosers!

What's the difference between the Rolling Stones and Scotsman?

The Rolling Stones say "Hey, you, get off of my cloud." A Scotsman says "Hey, McCloud, get off of my ewe."

How can you tell the clan of a Scotsman?

Look under his kilt, if it's a quarter-pounder, he's a McDonald.

What does a Scotsman wear under his kilt?

The codpiece he made out of his girlfriend's face.

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Which language does a drunk Scotsman speak?

x-post /r/puns Scotch.

Why do Scotsmen screw their sheep by the side of a cliff?

Because they push back harder.

What's the difference... ...between Mick Jagger and an angry Scotsman?

One says "Hey, you, get off of my cloud!" The other says "Hey, McLeod, get off of my ewe!"

Why was the Scotsman buried on the hill?

He died.

How to tell an Irishman from a Scotsman on St. Patrick's day?

One wants to stay drunk all the time and the other doesn't want to pay the tab.

What's the difference between a Scotsman and the Rolling Stones?

The Rolling Stones say 'hey you, get off my cloud.' the Scotsman says 'hey MaCleod, get off my ewe.'

Why do Scotsman wear kilts?

Because sheep can hear a zipper a mile away.

How many Scotsmen does it take to change a light bulb?

A: Scotsmen don't change light bulbs it's cheaper to sit in the dark

What's the difference between the Rolling Stones and a Scotsman?

The Rolling Stones sing "Hey You! Get off of my cloud!" A Scotsman shouts "Hey Mcleod!! Get off of my ewe!"

Why did the Scotsman sell drugs?

He had to get plaid.

What's the difference between a Scotsman and a Rolling Stone?

A: A Rolling Stone says "hey you get off of my cloud!" while a Scotsman says "Hey McLeod get off of my ewe!"

What did the Scotsman say when he went for another drink?

Hey, where'd my Glascow "

What's the difference between an angel and a Scotsman?

To one you say, "Hey you, get off my cloud!" The other: "Hey McLoed, get off my ewe!"

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Mick Jagger Jokes More Mick Jagger Jokes

What's the difference between Mick Jagger and a Scottish farmer?

Mick Jagger says "Hey (hey) you (you) get off of my cloud..." the Scottish farmer says "Hey McCloud get off of my ewe"

What's the difference between Mick Jagger and a Scottish Highlander?

Mick Jagger sings, "Hey you, get off of my cloud . . ", while the Scottish Highlander yells, "Hey McCloud, get off of my ewe!"

Mac Leod Jokes More Mac Leod Jokes

What's the difference between Mick Jagger and a Scottish shepherd?

One says, "Hey, you, get off of my cloud!" The other says, "Hey, MacLeod, get off of my ewe!

What's the difference between a Scotsman and the Rolling Stones?

The Rolling Stones say 'hey you, get off my cloud.' the Scotsman says 'hey MaCleod, get off my ewe.'

Mcdonald Jokes More Mcdonald Jokes

What's the difference between LinkedIn and McDonald's?

McDonald's knows how to use salt

Why doesnt McDonalds serve snail?

Because of sanitation reasons.

Hey Jokes More Hey Jokes

What's the difference between Mick Jagger and a Scottsman?

Mick Jagger says "Hey, you, get off of my cloud!" A Scottsman says "Hey, McCloud, get off of my ewe!"

What is the difference between Mick Jagger and a Scottish farmer?

One says, "Hey, you, get off of my cloud!". The other says "Hey, McCloud, get off of my ewe!".

Wear Jokes More Wear Jokes

Why do people wear shamrocks on St. Patrick's Day?

Regular rocks are too heavy.

Why does a blonde insist on him wearing a condom?

A: So she can have a doggie bag for later.

Sing Jokes More Sing Jokes

What did the dead blues musician sing?

Didn't wake up this morning..."

Why does Bono sing acapella when he's feeling down?

It takes the edge off it

Hey Mc Leod Jokes More Hey Mc Leod Jokes

What's the difference between the Rolling Stones and a Scottsman?

The Rolling Stones say "Hey! You! Get off of my cloud!" And a Scottsman says "Hey McLeod, get of me ewe!"

What's the difference between a Scotsman and a Rolling Stone?

A: A Rolling Stone says "hey you get off of my cloud!" while a Scotsman says "Hey McLeod get off of my ewe!"

Shout Jokes More Shout Jokes

How do you sell a chicken to a deaf man?

pause....) WANT TO BUY A CHICKEN??!! (SHOUTING)

How do you sell a dog to someone hard of hearing?

Get really close to their ear and shout, "DO YOU WANNA BUY A DOG "