How to tell an Irishman from a Scotsman on St. Patrick's day?

One wants to stay drunk all the time and the other doesn't want to pay the tab.

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Want Jokes More Want Jokes

How many more times will I watch "A Walk To Remember" tonight?

As Mandy Moore times as I want to.

When I was young, I wanted to date a doctor for money. How superficial was that?

Now it would be for the prescriptions.

Pay Jokes More Pay Jokes

Why do people at work always laugh at my jokes?

Because they're paid to.

How do ducks pay off loans?

With their bills!

Tell Jokes More Tell Jokes

What did Han.... Tell Leia after they separated?

May Divorce be with you.*

Why did the mathematician quit his job and join NASCAR?

They told him he was good at deriving

Scotsman Jokes More Scotsman Jokes

What does robbing a Scotsman get you?

Kilt

What's the difference between a Scotsman and the Rolling Stones?

The Rolling Stones say 'hey you, get off my cloud.' the Scotsman says 'hey MaCleod, get off my ewe.'

Stay Jokes More Stay Jokes

What does a dyslexic,agnostic and insomniac spend most of his time doing?

Staying up all night thinking if there really is a dog

What do you call and Irish person who stays outside all night?

Paddy O'Furniture

Irishman Jokes More Irishman Jokes

What do you call an Irishman who bounces off things?

Rick O'Shea

What do you call an Irishman who studies dinosaurs?

a paleontologist.

St. Patrick Jokes More St. Patrick Jokes

What do you call people who pretend to be Irish on St. Patrick's Day?

Counterfitz

What's the difference between MLK day and St Patrick's day?

Nobody minds being Irish for one day!!!!

St Patrick Day Jokes More St Patrick Day Jokes

What's the difference between St. Patrick's Day and Martin Luther King Day?

Everyone pretends to be Irish on St. Paddy's Day.

What's the difference between MLK day and St Patrick's day?

Nobody minds being Irish for one day!!!!

Tab Jokes More Tab Jokes

Who picks up the tab?

The German.

What's the most awkward aspect of bar-tending at an internet cafe?

You have to deal with people who forget to close their tabs.