How to tell an Irishman from a Scotsman on St. Patrick's day?

One wants to stay drunk all the time and the other doesn't want to pay the tab.

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Want Jokes More Want Jokes

Why did Mr. Steaks decide he would take his wife's surname?

Because he didn't want his daughters to be called Ms. Steaks.

Why did the carpenter join the army?

Because he wanted to be a Drill Sergeant

Pay Jokes More Pay Jokes

How much would you have to pay a teacher to flunk your kid so he has to go to Summer School?

Just planning ahead...

Why doesn't Santa have to pay for parking?

Because it's on the house.

Tell Jokes More Tell Jokes

What did the Siamese twins from Iowa tell their date?

It's February 1st. You going to caucas or not

How do you get half of Mexico to jump off a cliff?

Throw a penny off. How do you get the other half to jump too? ... Tell them no one found it yet.

Scotsman Jokes More Scotsman Jokes

What's the difference between an angel and a Scotsman?

To one you say, "Hey you, get off my cloud!" The other: "Hey McLoed, get off my ewe!"

What's the difference between a Scotsman and a Rolling Stone?

A: A Rolling Stone says "hey you get off of my cloud!" while a Scotsman says "Hey McLeod get off of my ewe!"

Stay Jokes More Stay Jokes

What did the philanderer say to the gardener praying in the shed?

How do you stay faithful in a room full of hoes?

What do you call an Irishman that stays out all night?

Patty O'Furniture

Irishman Jokes More Irishman Jokes

Why didn't the Irishman add another bean?

He stopped at 239 because if he added another one it would be 'too farty'. It would've been funnier if I could do an Irish accent.

Why do Irishmen drink all the time?

You would too if you were a ginger

St. Patrick Jokes More St. Patrick Jokes

What's the difference between MLK day and St Patrick's day?

Nobody minds being Irish for one day!!!!

What's the difference between St. Patrick's Day and Martin Luther King Day?

Everyone pretends to be Irish on St. Paddy's Day.

St Patrick Day Jokes More St Patrick Day Jokes

What do you call people who pretend to be Irish on St. Patrick's Day?

Counterfitz

What's the difference between St. Patrick's Day and Martin Luther King Day?

Everyone pretends to be Irish on St. Paddy's Day.

Tab Jokes More Tab Jokes

How to tell an Irishman from a Scotsman on St. Patrick's day?

One wants to stay drunk all the time and the other doesn't want to pay the tab.

What's the most awkward aspect of bar-tending at an internet cafe?

You have to deal with people who forget to close their tabs.