Comic Jokes

What's the difference between a political speech and a stand-up comic show?

They both tell the audience what they are glad to hear. But at the end, the audience laughs at the comic, and the politician laughs at the audience.

Interactive Joke of the Day Mug

5.0

Coffee Mug

Why did Joan Rivers die during throat surgery?

Q: Why did Joan Rivers die during throat surgery? A: Because her career as a comic was stuck, but no matter how he tried, the Dr. couldn't pull a laugh out of her.

What should you do if a vampire borrows your comic?

Wait for him to give it back.

You might also enjoy:

San Jokes More San Jokes

What is an angel's favorite font?

Sans Seraph

Why did Comic Sans's girlfriend leave him?

He just wasn't her type.

Type Jokes More Type Jokes

What type of weed are you allowed to smoke during Ramadan?

Tajweed

Where does a thumb meet its type?

At oh-my-goodness! Skip

Pull Jokes More Pull Jokes

What do a Marionette User and Tampon Thief have in common?

They both pull strings for work. (Inspired by Bo Burnham, this popped into my head the other day)

What mustache can an alien not pull off?

A human chu

End Jokes More End Jokes

How did you end up here?

Elderly me: I made my kids steak instead of hot dogs. Him: *gasps* You monster.

Why do they say 'Amen' at the end of a prayer instead of 'Awomen'?

A: The same reason they sing Hymns instead of Hers!

Heroine Jokes More Heroine Jokes

What is wonder woman's favorite drug?

Heroine.

What's the difference between the Harriet Tubman and the Red Hot Chili Peppers?

Harriet Tubman was a heroine to the slaves the Red Hot Chili Peppers are slaves to the heroin!

Restroom Jokes More Restroom Jokes

Where do senior citizens often go to the restroom?

Depends.

Why can't you hear a pterodactyl go to the restroom?

Because the "p" is silent!

Tell Jokes More Tell Jokes

What do you tell the teenage mutant ninja turtle Raphael when he picks up a miniature version of his weapons?

Those are the wrong Sais.

How can you tell what clan a Scottish man is from?

Look under his kilt and if he has a quarter pounder then he is a McDonald.

Comic Book Jokes More Comic Book Jokes

My older brother always tore the last pages of my comic books, and never told me why.

I had to draw my own conclusions.

What did the magazine say to the comic book?

Boy, do we have issues!