Drunk Man Jokes

What 3 things that tell the truth?

Drunk men. Little children. Yoga pants.

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What did the pig say to the drunk man?

Licence and registration please.

Why could the drunk man only move left?

The officer hadn't read him his rights.

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Pig Jokes More Pig Jokes

What does a chef call an undercover cop?

Pig in a blanket.

What did the pig do when a beetle landed in his feed trough?

He ate it quickly before the others could ask him to share.

Read Jokes More Read Jokes

What was Mark Hamill's reaction when he finished reading The Force Awakens script?

Speechless

What did the doctor do after he finished reading the book?

He removed the appendix!

Leave Jokes More Leave Jokes

Why do waitresses hate mohels?

Because they never leave a tip.

What time does Sean Connery leave to go to Wimbledon?

Tennish.

Officer Jokes More Officer Jokes

What do you call a cop standing on dog poo?

Officer on doody.

Why did you ticket the computer?

Officer: It was speeding along the information highway.

20 Jokes More 20 Jokes

How much work does it take to send a packet across the internet?

20 Watts

What's the best part about dating twenty two year olds?

There are 20 of them.

Lose Jokes More Lose Jokes

How do you lose 30 pounds in 1 Minute?

Go to England and buy something

What do you do with percussionists that lose one of their drumsticks?

A: Stick them up front of the group and tell them to wave their arms!

Registration Jokes More Registration Jokes

What does the 1286BC incribed on the mummy's tomb indicate ?

The registration of the car that ran him over !

Why were you speeding when I stopped you?

Motorist: So I could race home to get my license and registration.

Bet Jokes More Bet Jokes

How hard do you think Joe Biden laughs when a senate's bill gets 69 votes?

I bet he has to leave the room.

Why did did the convicts escape?

Billy Eichner has a theory... Billy Eichner says I bet those escaped convicts are going to see Ted 2.