Happiness Jokes

What's the use of happiness?

It can't buy you money.

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Whats the closest a Mexican will ever be to happiness?

The border.

What's the difference between a black man and happiness?

You can't buy happiness!

How do you say happiness in German?

Auschwitz

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Why do butchers avoid buying cattle from Colorado?

Because the steaks are too high.

What do you call the guy you buy your weed from?

Your chron-tact.

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What does an accountant call a friend's birthday party?

x-post from /r/tax) A present liability!

What do cows sing at their friends birthday parties?

Happy Birthday to MOO Happy Birthday to Moo

Use Jokes More Use Jokes

What time is it in Ireland when someone farts too much?

Two-forty (use an Irish accent)... It's two-farty

How do you contact dead window cleaners?

Use a squeegee board.

Whisper Jokes More Whisper Jokes

Whats the difference between a porsche and an erection?

I dont have a porsche. (Best told by whispering in someones ear.)

Where are you from?

So where are you from?" "I'm a Liberian" "Oh sorry" *whispers*

Turkey Jokes More Turkey Jokes

Why was the Turkey v Germany match called off?

There were too many fowls.

What did the turkey say about the television program from the 1950s?

There's a little bit too much grayvy.

Bar Jokes More Bar Jokes

What was the Olympic lifter missing from his bar ?

Weight for it...

Why don't anti-vaxxers hang out in bars?

They're afraid of the shots.

Et Jokes More Et Jokes

What's the difference between a happy person and ET?

A happy person has a light heart and ET has a heart light

What's E.T short for?

Because he's got little legs. But seriously, what does ET stand for Because he can't sit down.

Sing Jokes More Sing Jokes

Why did Beyonc sing "to the left, to the left"?

Because black people don't have rights.

What does Spock sing in the shower?

What does Spock sing in the shower? I'll stop the world and meld with you!