Heart Attack Jokes

Why do women live longer than men?

Shopping never causes heart attacks, but paying the bill does!

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Who do you call if Everlast is having a heart attack?

Eminem.

Why didn't the American get the burger?

because the heart attack got him first.

What is the worst time to have a heart attack?

During a game of charades

What happens when an American has a heart attack and survives?

A 'murical.

Where does it hurt?

Me: *Points to heart* Nurse: Awwww that is so cute! Me. *COLLAPSES FROM HEART ATTACK*

Why did the black man have a heart attack?

afrosclerosis

When is the worst possible time to have a heart attack?

When you are playing Charades.

What will he have?

Student: "A heart attack."

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Heart Jokes More Heart Jokes

How do you know if you've fallen in love with an apple from France?

Your heart goes "pomme pomme ... pomme pomme ..."

Why did the Tinman not go to the ball?

His heart wasn't in it.

Bad Time Jokes More Bad Time Jokes

When is the worst time to get Cancer?

North of the equator.

What's the worst time of the year for the Slinkies factory?

Spring break. BA DUM TISS

Bill Jokes More Bill Jokes

How does a lawyer name their kids?

Bill and Sue

Why doesn't Bill like old houses?

A: He's afraid of the draft.

Burger Jokes More Burger Jokes

What do burgers think when they are surrounded by gherkins?

They think they are in a pickle.

Which burgers are dishonest?

Cat-burgers! (burglars)

Point Jokes More Point Jokes

Which machine at the gym should I use to impress beautiful women?

He pointed outside and said "The ATM machine" c/o /u/jubileo5

How many 3rd wave feminists does it take to change a lightbulb?

Whats the point 3rd wave feminists can't take a joke anyway.

Pay Jokes More Pay Jokes

What happens if you don't pay after an exorcism?

You'll get repossessed!

What is the difference between a Garbanzo bean and a Chickpea?

I've never paid to have a garbanzo bean on my face.

Woman Jokes More Woman Jokes

How does the modern-day James Bond prefer his women?

Shaven, not furred

Whats the difference between a woman and a plate?

You can lick a plate dry

Survive Jokes More Survive Jokes

What did the man who survived a javelin headwound say to his opponent?

Thanks for opening my mind.

How is the 85 year old Contractor that survived lung cancer doing?

Asbestos he can. I'm so sorry.