Heisenberg Jokes

Why was Heisenberg's wife unhappy?

Whenever he had the energy, he didn't have the time.

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Why was Heisenberg such a bad lover?

A: When he got the momentum, he couldn't find the position, and when he found the position, he couldn't muster up the momentum.

Why did Heisenberg remove the speedometer from his car?

So he would stop getting lost everything he checked it.

Why does Heisenberg hate driving?

He gets lost every time he checks the speedometer.

Why do the Heisenberg operators for position and momentum work from home?

Because they won't commute.

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Check Jokes More Check Jokes

How long have you been chopping wood for?

I'm not sure, I'll check the logs"

Where's the best place in Toronto to check out girls?

Broadview*

Lightbulb Jokes More Lightbulb Jokes

How many Carpathians does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

I don't know, Vigo and see. (best read in Yanosh's voice)

How many Vietnam War Veterans does it take to change a lightbulb?

You don't know man, you weren't there!

Time Jokes More Time Jokes

What do men and tile floors have in common?

if you lay them right the first time, you can walk all over them for years.

What's three times worse than OCD?

OCD, OCD, OCD. Wait the last time didn't feel right. OCD, OCD, OCD. Wait, the second time didn't feel right. OCD, OCD, OCD. Wait...

Drive Jokes More Drive Jokes

Whole Foods Cashier: Do you have your grocery bags?

Me: Kidding At $6 an apple you should drive them home and make an apple pie for me.

Why did Jesus have to walk everywhere?

He drove a Ford.

Lose Jokes More Lose Jokes

Why did the short guy lose the basketball game?

Because he four feet.

What do you call a hippo in Antarctica?

LOST!! (I'll show myself out now)

Hate Jokes More Hate Jokes

When/why do feminists hate cannibals?

When they make sandwiches, because they're man-spreading.

What happened to sneaking out and getting drunk in the woods?

Teenagers these days be all "I hate you mom I'm joining ISIS."

Stop Jokes More Stop Jokes

What do you call a marathon runner that refuses to stop?

A joggernaut.

What did the mother snake say to her crying baby ?

Stop crying and viper your nose !

Socket Jokes More Socket Jokes

How does an engineer screw a light-bulb?

He holds the light-bulb over the socket and waits for the world to revolve around him.

How many Java programmers does it take to change a light bulb?

One to generate a "ChangeLightBulb" event to the socket.