Johnson Jokes

What is the best thing about Dwane "the rock" Johnson's physique?

Nobody takes him for granite.

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Why did Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson have to change his diet?

Because his nutritionist said he had too many minerals in his system!

Why are there so many Johnson in he phone book?

They all have phones.

What did Masters say to Johnson?

I don't know what the worlds coming to

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Stephen Hawk Jokes More Stephen Hawk Jokes

Why doesn't Stephen Hawking need a wife?

Because he has his own shoulder to cry on. Edit: all credit goes to /u/Earleebird who posted it in a comment in /r/oldschoolcool

What is the difference between Stephen Hawking and his E-Wheelchair?

If you repair both, the E-Wheelchair is the only thing running again

Rock Star Jokes More Rock Star Jokes

Why did the rock star fail his depressing math exam?

He couldn't get the saddest fraction.

How does Dwayne Johnson Party?

Like a ROCK Star.

Current Event Jokes More Current Event Jokes

Why are Saudis so behind on current events?

Because they live under Iraq.

What do you call a jungle where animals talk about current events?

A topical rainforest.

Mineral Jokes More Mineral Jokes

How many rocks did Hank Schrader have in his collection by the end of Breaking Bad?

None, they were all minerals.

Why did Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson have to change his diet?

Because his nutritionist said he had too many minerals in his system!

Rain Jokes More Rain Jokes

What is worse than raining cats and dogs ?

Raining elephants !

What did the Men's Right's Activist say when he left his piano out in the rain?

MUH SOGGY KEYS!

Tiger Woods Jokes More Tiger Woods Jokes

What's the difference between Tiger Woods and Santa?

Santa knows to stop after three Ho's.

What's the difference between Elton John's chin and Tiger Woods?

Tiger Woods hasn't hit as many balls.

Pitch Jokes More Pitch Jokes

Why did the farmer make a high-pitched gasp?

Because he was tired of the sigh-low.

How about a really bad food court where planes land?

Pitch for every airport

Hit Jokes More Hit Jokes

What's black and white and red allover?

My dalmatian after being hit by a car

What is the difference between an abusive relationship and The Chainsmokers ?

Nothing, The hits keep coming