Johnson Jokes

What is the best thing about Dwane "the rock" Johnson's physique?

Nobody takes him for granite.

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Why did Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson have to change his diet?

Because his nutritionist said he had too many minerals in his system!

Why are there so many Johnson in he phone book?

They all have phones.

What did Masters say to Johnson?

I don't know what the worlds coming to

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Phone Book Jokes More Phone Book Jokes

Why don't they have phone books in China?

Because everyone uses the Internet to look up phone numbers or people don't have landlines anymore and cell phone numbers aren't listed in the phone book. Also people use social media to communicate and connect with people.

What do phone books and women have in common?

They both couldn't vote before 1920

Pitch Jokes More Pitch Jokes

How about a month filled with stress and obligation?

Pitch for December

What's the difference between a feminist and a dentist's drill?

One causes a lot of pain and makes a constant high pitched whine. The other is a useful piece of medical equipment.

Reference Jokes More Reference Jokes

Why doesn't Dwayne Johnson's downstairs neighbor understand references to current events?

He's been living under The Rock.

What is an emo's favorite note?

G ...get it EDIT:im not saying the reference

Vegetable Jokes More Vegetable Jokes

What did the carrot say when the last vegetable arrived at the party?

TURNIP

What do you get when you chop up a fruit and mix it with vegetables?

I don't know but it was hard as hell stealing thier wheelchairs with pieces of Richard Simmons tripping me up.

Stephen Hawk Jokes More Stephen Hawk Jokes

Why is Stephen Hawking so controversial?

He never changes his position.

Whats black and sits at the top of the stairs after a house fire?

Stephen Hawking's

Umpire Jokes More Umpire Jokes

What did the umpire say when Randy Johnson hit a bird with his pitch?

Fowl ball.

Why did the ambulance show up to a tennis match between Number 8 and Number 9?

The umpire called it: nine won one.

Room Jokes More Room Jokes

Where are the posters?

WIFE: THEY JUST DISAPPEARED! In other room *cat is furiously stuffing missing dog posters into paper shredder*

What do you call a Serbian who won't clean his room?

Novak.

Rock Jokes More Rock Jokes

What's the crackhead's favorite song?

I wanna rock!

What caused Captain Morgan's shipwreck?

He was on the rocks.