Laugh Matter Jokes

Why was the 6 afraid of 7?

Because 7 was a registered six offender... that's not a laughing matter...

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Why are atoms so serious?

Because they're no laughing matter.

Why can't Californians stop at stop signs?

I don't know and this is not a laughing matter.

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Comic Jokes More Comic Jokes

What's the difference between a political speech and a stand-up comic show?

They both tell the audience what they are glad to hear. But at the end, the audience laughs at the comic, and the politician laughs at the audience.

What should you do if a vampire borrows your comic?

Wait for him to give it back.

Dr. Jokes More Dr. Jokes

What do you call a Dr. that shares your medical history with everyone?

a HIPAAcrite

How much has this man had to drink?

Nurse: "I can't tell." Dr: "It's ok; you can tell me. I'm a doctor"

Ai Jokes More Ai Jokes

What do you call it when a hedge fund manager loses his job to a Watson inspired AI built by IBM?

It doesn't matter. We'll all be laughing too hard to care.

What is an AI's favorite food?

RAM crackers

Atom Jokes More Atom Jokes

What did the duck say after it split the atom ?

Quark ! Quark !

What did the atom say when it lost an electron?

I better keep an ion that.

Inspire Jokes More Inspire Jokes

What kind of music does an inspired Latin fish listen to?

Carp E.D.M. Credit to my friend for this one.

What do a Marionette User and Tampon Thief have in common?

They both pull strings for work. (Inspired by Bo Burnham, this popped into my head the other day)

Job Jokes More Job Jokes

How did Bob loose his job at the sperm bank?

He was always drinking on the job

What do you call people so good at their jobs, they retire because they did everything?

The mythbusters and ghostbusters.

Stick Jokes More Stick Jokes

Why did the cactus cross the road?

It got stuck to the chicken.

What do you call someone who sticks his right hand in shark's mouths?

Lefty!

Career Jokes More Career Jokes

How did you lose your last job?

I quit because I wanted a career with a bright future." Sir, this is McDonald's.

Why did Joan Rivers die during throat surgery?

Q: Why did Joan Rivers die during throat surgery? A: Because her career as a comic was stuck, but no matter how he tried, the Dr. couldn't pull a laugh out of her.