Pause Jokes

What's the difference between a semicolon and a cat?

One has a pause at the end of it's clause, the other has claws at the end of it's paws.

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What is a hemophiliac's least favorite song?

Don't stop ble-eding (The pause is necessary)

How do you sell a chicken to a deaf man?

pause....) WANT TO BUY A CHICKEN??!! (SHOUTING)

What is the difference between cats and commas?

This might be better suited for but I think its more a joke Cats have claws at the ends of it's paws commas haves pauses at the ends of its clause.

When Chipotle says, "Guacamole is $1.50 extra, is that ok?

I pause, then say, "Hang on, let me call my financial advisor."

Why have a ballroom, with no Balls?

Disney's Frozen I paused the movie to tweet this...

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President Jokes More President Jokes

What kind of country has a clown problem?

The same one that has 2 clowns running for president!

How does a blonde man get really rich,stupid and a candidate for president ?

small loan of 100 million dollars

Chipotle Jokes More Chipotle Jokes

When Chipotle says, "Guacamole is $1.50 extra, is that ok?

I pause, then say, "Hang on, let me call my financial advisor."

What is Chipotle most known for?

A. Steak Bowls - B. Delicious Tacos - C. Chips - D. Burritos - E. Coli

Paw Jokes More Paw Jokes

What do bears and women from Arkansas have in common?

They can't stop licking their paws.

What did the cat do when he didn't want to watch the movie?

He paws-ed it!

Reply Jokes More Reply Jokes

Why are you rushin'?

Too which I replied "Because my grandpa is from Moscow." Duh..

What about over there?

she said. "I can't," I replied, "It says between 1 and 9 only." "Well, why is that stopping you " "I'm 23."

Comma Jokes More Comma Jokes

What is the difference between cats and commas?

This might be better suited for but I think its more a joke Cats have claws at the ends of it's paws commas haves pauses at the ends of its clause.

What's the difference between a cat and a comma?

One has claws at the end of its paws and one is a pause at the end of a clause.

Sell Jokes More Sell Jokes

How do you sell a chicken to someone who is hard of hearing?

HEY! DO YOU WANT TO BUY A CHICKEN!?!?!

What is the top selling fruit in the world?

Clay Aiken.

Claw Jokes More Claw Jokes

What did the cat use to sharpen its claws?

Me. Ow.

What would Hellen Keller be doing if she were alive today?

Clawing at the lid of the coffin.

Tell Jokes More Tell Jokes

How do you get a hippie to jump off a cliff?

Tell them it will "cleanse toxins."

Why shouldn't you tell secrets on the farm?

The corn has ears, the potatoes have eyes, and the beanstalk.