Pause Jokes

What's the difference between a semicolon and a cat?

One has a pause at the end of it's clause, the other has claws at the end of it's paws.

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What is a hemophiliac's least favorite song?

Don't stop ble-eding (The pause is necessary)

How do you sell a chicken to a deaf man?

pause....) WANT TO BUY A CHICKEN??!! (SHOUTING)

What is the difference between cats and commas?

This might be better suited for but I think its more a joke Cats have claws at the ends of it's paws commas haves pauses at the ends of its clause.

When Chipotle says, "Guacamole is $1.50 extra, is that ok?

I pause, then say, "Hang on, let me call my financial advisor."

Why have a ballroom, with no Balls?

Disney's Frozen I paused the movie to tweet this...

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Pub Jokes More Pub Jokes

Why did she get entry to the pub without paying a single penny?

Cause she being she, wasn't even worth a penny. (/hehheh)

Why would Bart Simpson never go to a pub?

Because there's a BartEnder there.

Fish Jokes More Fish Jokes

What did the fish do when his piano sounded odd?

He called the piano tuna!

How many ADD's does it take to change a light bulb?

Let's go fishing

Ask Jokes More Ask Jokes

What does aerosmith say when someone asks them for directions?

Walk this way

How do you make a motherboard?

I asked him. He said, "Tell her about my job."

Hit Jokes More Hit Jokes

What do people and trees have in common?

They both fall down when you hit them with an axe.

Why did the pilot hit the Alps?

To get to the other side.

Deaf Man Jokes More Deaf Man Jokes

Why was the deaf man sighing and shaking his head in disgust when he looked over at his next door neighbour?

Because she was *airing her dirty laundry*!!!

How do you sell a chicken to a deaf man?

pause....) WANT TO BUY A CHICKEN??!! (SHOUTING)

Middle Jokes More Middle Jokes

Why is your nose in the middle of your face?

Because it's the scenter!

What do you call a fart in the middle of the night? What do you call a fart in the mourning?

A midnight snack A hot Breakfast

Sell Jokes More Sell Jokes

What do you call a posh shop that sells kitchen appliances?

Selfridges.

Who did the Dyslexic Devil Worshipper sell his soul to?

Santa

Difference Jokes More Difference Jokes

What's the difference between a lobster and a Japanese woman run over by a steamroller?

One's a crustacean and the other is a crushed Asian.

What's the difference between a van and a minivan?

A van picks up kids. A minivan picks up your kids