Teammate Jokes

What did Lochte say after his teammates told the police what really happened?

and I would have gotten away with it if it weren't for you medaling kids!"

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Why does Michael Phelps refuse to aid his teammates in preparing for the Olympics?

He only Phelps himself.

How did the failing Heroes of the Storm player apologize to their teammate?

I'm gonna level with you.

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Play Jokes More Play Jokes

Why did a pair of tomatoes play footsie?

To-mate-toes!

Why can't you play UNO with a mexican?

They always steal the green card.

Police Jokes More Police Jokes

What happens when you turn a cashew in to the police?

You bust a nut

Why is it expensive to be a criminal?

Because the police charge you.

Tell Jokes More Tell Jokes

What does Walter White say when someone tells him a knock-knock joke?

Nothing, because he is the one who knocks.

What's the difference between Limburger cheese and my friend Ted?

One is white and stinks, and the other is cheese. (As told to me by the UPS guy)

Shakespeare Jokes More Shakespeare Jokes

What do you call a nervous javelin thrower?

Shakespeare

Why is Shakespeare bad at hunting?

because he can't aim steadily

Weight Jokes More Weight Jokes

Why did the redditor stand on a piece of fruit to check his weight?

BECAUSE HE WAS USING A BANANA FOR SCALE

What did Jesus do to lose weight?

Crossfit

Apologize Jokes More Apologize Jokes

Why did the dolphin apologize?

He didn't do it on porpoise.

What was the last thing that went through the Sandy Hook child's mind?

A bullet. I apologize if that joke was aimed for a younger audience. I love Sandy Hook jokes, they never get old. Just like those children.

Lochte Jokes More Lochte Jokes

Who robbed Lochte at the Olympics?

Phelps.

What else did Lochte say after the truth came out?

This did not go swimmingly at all

Kid Jokes More Kid Jokes

What did Tony the Tiger say to the kids playing baseball?

Theeeeeeeeey Never expect the Spanish Inquisition!"

What playground equipment do kids hate the most?

The slide into poverty.