Teammate Jokes

What did Lochte say after his teammates told the police what really happened?

and I would have gotten away with it if it weren't for you medaling kids!"

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Why does Michael Phelps refuse to aid his teammates in preparing for the Olympics?

He only Phelps himself.

How did the failing Heroes of the Storm player apologize to their teammate?

I'm gonna level with you.

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Olympic Jokes More Olympic Jokes

Why are there so few Mexican athletes in the Olympics?

Because most of them who can run, jump or swim are already in the United States.

Why should you never bet on Germany at the Olympics?

They have the worst track record for finishing a race.

Weight Jokes More Weight Jokes

What kind of trophy do I get every time I lift weights?

Hypertrophy!

How do you do it?

Me- "It's easy, I just gain weight."

Write Jokes More Write Jokes

What did Dr. Seuss call the book he wrote about Star Wars?

The Cat in the AT-AT

When can't a pencil write out a check?

When it's broke.

Aid Jokes More Aid Jokes

What do Aids, Syphilis and Chlamydia have in common?

Your mom.

What is the difference between Ellen Pao her brain and Aids?

Aids develops itself

Carry Jokes More Carry Jokes

Why did the boy carry a clock and a bird on Halloween ?

It was for 'tick or tweet' !

What's the best thing about portugal?

You never have to carry your bags because of all the porter-geese. Thankyou, im here till monday!

Happen Jokes More Happen Jokes

What happens when you microwave a DVD?

you get a VHS tape.

What happens to a frog that parks illegally?

He gets toad.

Lochte Jokes More Lochte Jokes

What else did Lochte say after the truth came out?

This did not go swimmingly at all

Who robbed Lochte at the Olympics?

Phelps.

Fail Jokes More Fail Jokes

Why do failing college girls always screw their professors?

Cause they want the D.

Why did the privileged white guy fail his algebra test?

He didn't know enough about inequalities