Ted Jokes

What is Bill and Ted's favorite book of the bible?

Duderonomy! They also like Leviticus.

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What did the dealer say to Ted when he caught him stealing heroin?

Your addicted.

Why did Ted get fired from his job?

Because he would only do the minimum?

Why did Bill and Ted join Islam?

Because they heard it was radical!

What's the difference between John Kenndy Jr. and Ted Kennedy?

Ted can swim away from an accident.

What's the difference between Limburger cheese and my friend Ted?

One is white and stinks, and the other is cheese. (As told to me by the UPS guy)

Why are you crying Ted ?

asked his mum. 'Because my new sneakers hurt.' 'That's because you have put them on the wrong feet.' 'But they are the only feet I have.'

Why did did the convicts escape?

Billy Eichner has a theory... Billy Eichner says I bet those escaped convicts are going to see Ted 2.

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Join Jokes More Join Jokes

Why are ISIS fighters afraid to join the TEA Party?

They're afraid they'll be audited by the IRS.

Why did the little pig try to join the Navy?

He loved to sing "Oinkers Aweight"

Cheese Jokes More Cheese Jokes

What do you call an empty jar of Cheese Whiz?

Cheese was.

What do you call a Mexican drowning in a vat of cheese?

Nacho problem.

Friend Jokes More Friend Jokes

Why couldn't Ray Charles see his friends?

Because he was married

What's the easiest way to end a friendship?

Just asking for a friend

Bible Jokes More Bible Jokes

Who is the richest person in the Bible?

The Pharao's daughter. She went to the bank of the Nile to pick up a little prophet.

How do you read the Gospel According to Shrek?

Open your bible to Psalm BODY ONCE TOLD ME

Save Jokes More Save Jokes

How'd you die?

I got shot trying to save my fellow soldiers lives in war. You " "I got trampled trying to save on a flat screen" "Oh.."

Who get saved?

The United States of America

Japanese Jokes More Japanese Jokes

Why do Japanese women like foreign men?

Japanese men can't look them in the eye. Kappa

What's Beethoven's favorite favorite Japanese weapon?

Ka-ta-na-na!

Swim Jokes More Swim Jokes

What do you call a child with no arms and no legs swimming in a pool?

Bob.

What do you call a quadruple amputee trying to swim?

Bob. Same guy laying on the floor Matt. Same guy hanging on the wall Art. Same guy in a mailbox Bill.

Dealer Jokes More Dealer Jokes

What did the dealer say to Ted when he caught him stealing heroin?

Your addicted.

What is your biggest strength?

I am always on time." "And your biggest weakness " "I get annoyed when my dealer is late."