Ted Jokes

What is Bill and Ted's favorite book of the bible?

Duderonomy! They also like Leviticus.

Couple's Daily Question Mug

5.0

Coffee Mug

What did the dealer say to Ted when he caught him stealing heroin?

Your addicted.

Why did Ted get fired from his job?

Because he would only do the minimum?

Why did Bill and Ted join Islam?

Because they heard it was radical!

What's the difference between John Kenndy Jr. and Ted Kennedy?

Ted can swim away from an accident.

What's the difference between Limburger cheese and my friend Ted?

One is white and stinks, and the other is cheese. (As told to me by the UPS guy)

Why are you crying Ted ?

asked his mum. 'Because my new sneakers hurt.' 'That's because you have put them on the wrong feet.' 'But they are the only feet I have.'

Why did did the convicts escape?

Billy Eichner has a theory... Billy Eichner says I bet those escaped convicts are going to see Ted 2.

You might also enjoy:

Islam Jokes More Islam Jokes

How is Islam like a GPS?

You may think you're on the right path, but if you follow it literally, you'll end up crashing into a building.

How does a muslim close a door?

Islams it.

Join Jokes More Join Jokes

What do you get when you slice ice cream?

Slice cream! ... I think I'll join the reposting group now...

What are the odds of an anorexic girl joining the clergy?

Slim to nun.

Tell Jokes More Tell Jokes

How many pork chops does it take to change a lightbulb?

I don't know it's lard to tell.

How do you tell the difference between an electrician and an electrical engineer?

Ask them to pronounce the word, "unionized".

Dealer Jokes More Dealer Jokes

What did the dealer say to Ted when he caught him stealing heroin?

Your addicted.

What is your biggest strength?

I am always on time." "And your biggest weakness " "I get annoyed when my dealer is late."

Deaf Jokes More Deaf Jokes

What did the deaf, dumb, blind orphan get for Christmas?

Cancer!*

What do you call an Italian with no arms?

Deaf

Save Jokes More Save Jokes

What's the proper procedure when witnessing someone having a seizure in a bathtub?

Sprint to your room, grab all the dirty clothes you can, and start saving money on laundry.

Why did the fire fighter go in to save his friend first, and then fight the fire?

Because... bros before hose!!! Wubbulubbadub-dub!

Ted Cruz Jokes More Ted Cruz Jokes

What's the difference between the Devil and Ted Cruz?

The Devil has standards.

Why do people take such an instant dislike to Ted Cruz ?

It saves so much time.

Difference Jokes More Difference Jokes

What's the difference between a woman and a bowl of ramen noodles?

A bowl of ramen noodles is actually ready in 5 minutes.

What is the difference between 1000 dead babies and a ferrari?

I dont have a ferrari in my garage.