Ted Jokes

What is Bill and Ted's favorite book of the bible?

Duderonomy! They also like Leviticus.

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What did the dealer say to Ted when he caught him stealing heroin?

Your addicted.

Why did Ted get fired from his job?

Because he would only do the minimum?

Why did Bill and Ted join Islam?

Because they heard it was radical!

What's the difference between John Kenndy Jr. and Ted Kennedy?

Ted can swim away from an accident.

What's the difference between Limburger cheese and my friend Ted?

One is white and stinks, and the other is cheese. (As told to me by the UPS guy)

Why are you crying Ted ?

asked his mum. 'Because my new sneakers hurt.' 'That's because you have put them on the wrong feet.' 'But they are the only feet I have.'

Why did did the convicts escape?

Billy Eichner has a theory... Billy Eichner says I bet those escaped convicts are going to see Ted 2.

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Difference Jokes More Difference Jokes

What's the difference between a radical and a moderate Muslim?

A radical Muslim wants to cut your head off, but a moderate Muslim the radical Muslim to cut your head off. Bye.

What's the difference between a blonde and a washing machine?

You can throw your load in a washing machine and it won't follow you around for two weeks afterward

Time Jokes More Time Jokes

What is the motto of the French navy?

To the water, it is time! Or in french... ... BWA HA HA HA. OK... I know this is kind a dad joke but.... yeah (for those don't speak French and thus don't get this, click the link and click the speaker to have it read to you ;) )

What do you call a belt made out of watches?

A waist of time...

Steal Jokes More Steal Jokes

Why can't you play Uno with Mexicans?

They steal the green cards.

What is that white thing in my pork&ampbeans?

The Queen Bean. *Blatantly stolen from Ren &amp Stimpy

Heroin Jokes More Heroin Jokes

What's the difference between heroin and the cast of the jersey shore?

I wouldn't shoot heroin.

What's the difference between the Red Hot Chili Peppers and Harriet Tubman?

Harriet Tubman was a heroine to the slaves, but the Red Hot Chili Peppers were slaves to heroin.

Cheese Jokes More Cheese Jokes

What state makes exclusively swiss cheese?

Swisconsin.

What do you call cheese that's not yours?

Colby Jack's.

Bill Jokes More Bill Jokes

How are you going to pay for that?

Oh, just put it on my bill."

What should you do if windows crashes cost you a lot of money?

A: You should bill Gates.

Hear Jokes More Hear Jokes

What's the one thing you don't want to hear when fighting with your wife on a long road trip?

Recalculating route.

Why did Micheal Jackson go to JC Penny?

He heard little boys pants were 50% off...

Fire Jokes More Fire Jokes

How do you teach your dog to roll over ?

Put him on fire.

What do you call a pirate who intentionally sets a fire at sea?

An arrrrrsonist. Thank you. I'll be here all week.