Ted Jokes

What is Bill and Ted's favorite book of the bible?

Duderonomy! They also like Leviticus.

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What did the dealer say to Ted when he caught him stealing heroin?

Your addicted.

Why did Ted get fired from his job?

Because he would only do the minimum?

Why did Bill and Ted join Islam?

Because they heard it was radical!

What's the difference between John Kenndy Jr. and Ted Kennedy?

Ted can swim away from an accident.

What's the difference between Limburger cheese and my friend Ted?

One is white and stinks, and the other is cheese. (As told to me by the UPS guy)

Why are you crying Ted ?

asked his mum. 'Because my new sneakers hurt.' 'That's because you have put them on the wrong feet.' 'But they are the only feet I have.'

Why did did the convicts escape?

Billy Eichner has a theory... Billy Eichner says I bet those escaped convicts are going to see Ted 2.

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Election Jokes More Election Jokes

What's the biggest lie of the election?

Voting machines aren't hackable.

What do Ted Cruz and an impotent Japanese man have in common?

Neither can achieve an election

Catch Jokes More Catch Jokes

What did the kid say to his nanny when she stubbed her toe while trying to catch him?

Nana boo boo

What does Jeffrey Dahmer and Peewee Herman have in common?

They were both caught with hands in their drawers.

Credit Jokes More Credit Jokes

What was the aardvark's favorite Lady Gaga song?

Just Ants. Credit: My friend, the PUNisher.

Why is Chuck Norris still alive?

Credit: Saw the comment in this 1:55

Steal Jokes More Steal Jokes

Who steals from the poor and gives to the rich?

Robbin' hood

What happened when the dog went to the flea circus?

A: It stole the show!

Te Jokes More Te Jokes

How did the Edward Impersonator annoy /r/jokes?

He feigned ted.

What's the difference between beekeeping and falconry?

Falconers have to be more talon-ted

Achieve Jokes More Achieve Jokes

What do Ted Cruz and an impotent Japanese man have in common?

Neither can achieve an election

What do they tell Soviet children who want to achieve their dreams?

Shoot for the Tsars.

Job Jokes More Job Jokes

What do you say to a black guy with a job?

Keep at it, inmate!

What do you get when you play country music backwards?

You get your job back, you get your wife back and you get your tractor back.

Fire Jokes More Fire Jokes

What do you call making jokes of a chicken on fire?

Roasting a chicken.

Why are you still using it?

Sentimental attachment. -It just caught fire. -Aww, just like old times.