Ted Jokes

What is Bill and Ted's favorite book of the bible?

Duderonomy! They also like Leviticus.

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What did the dealer say to Ted when he caught him stealing heroin?

Your addicted.

Why did Ted get fired from his job?

Because he would only do the minimum?

Why did Bill and Ted join Islam?

Because they heard it was radical!

What's the difference between John Kenndy Jr. and Ted Kennedy?

Ted can swim away from an accident.

What's the difference between Limburger cheese and my friend Ted?

One is white and stinks, and the other is cheese. (As told to me by the UPS guy)

Why are you crying Ted ?

asked his mum. 'Because my new sneakers hurt.' 'That's because you have put them on the wrong feet.' 'But they are the only feet I have.'

Why did did the convicts escape?

Billy Eichner has a theory... Billy Eichner says I bet those escaped convicts are going to see Ted 2.

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Job Jokes More Job Jokes

What's your strongest trait?

My fingers. "No, like... Are you pinching me " GIVE ME fighting to maintain pinch THE JOB

Why do chemists love bad jokes?

Their jobs get a lot easier when there are no reactions

Accident Jokes More Accident Jokes

What do you need to teach a blonde who never had an accident in 20 years?

Second gear.

How to make your wife take care while driving?

Tell her that if she meets with a serious accident, the newspaper will have to print her age.

Ups Jokes More Ups Jokes

What did the pilot say to the co-pilot right before the UPS plane crash in Alabama?

Too soon.

Did you hear the news?

FedEx and UPS are merging. They’re going to go by the name Fed-Up from now on.

Achieve Jokes More Achieve Jokes

How do Communists achieve a revolution every single year?

They planet!

Why did the Senator get on Viagara?

He wanted to achieve erection reform.

Islam Jokes More Islam Jokes

What religion still believes in the Big Bang?

x-post from /r/imgoingtohellforthis Islam

How does an angry Muslim close the door?

Islams It.

Friend Jokes More Friend Jokes

Why does the lemon feel uncomfortable making friends outside of tumblr?

Because it has cis-trust issues

What did Einstein text to his friend who he'd see tomorrow?

E=MC U L8R

Te Jokes More Te Jokes

How did the Edward Impersonator annoy /r/jokes?

He feigned ted.

What did the asian parents call their retarded son?

Sum ting wong

Save Jokes More Save Jokes

Why was Jesus such a bad carpenter?

He couldn't remove three nails to save his life

What did the barfly say to the other barfly?

I saved you a stool.