Election Jokes

How was the election rigged?

Through the Electoral College.

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What does the result of this election and Netflix have in common?

Orange is the new Black

Why won't anti vaxers ever win an election?

All their supporters are home with sick kids

What do you call a clown and a crook rolling in feces?

The US elections.

What do Ted Cruz and an impotent Japanese man have in common?

Neither can achieve an election

How do you win an election?

By having people believe that you've won an election.

Why can't Bernie Sanders win the election?

Because 12 year olds can't vote. Edit: I'm actually somewhat of a Bernie supporter, I'm just joking about how he has a lot of youth backing him.

Why doesn't Japan have elections?

I dunno but it's probably the reason for their low birth rates.

Whats the difference between news of the US elections and Madeleine McCann?

News of the elections is getting old.

What did the Mtis people think of the look on Stephen Harper's face when he lost the election?

They though it was Riel funny!

How did the OBGYN win the election?

He was able to stirrup some controversy about his opponent with his effective smear campaign.

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Why isn't there democracy in North Korea?

Because everytime they try to pronounce "election" everyone starts to giggle

Why do presidents have unsatisfied wives?

It takes four years to get an election.

Why has there never been an Asian president?

Because they are taken to the hospital if the election lasts more than 4 hours

What will the results of the next election be?

No one knows! The results were stolen from the Politburo just last night!

How often do Chinese people have elections?

When they wake up every morning.

Who wins the election?

America.

Why does Bernie know he'll win the elections?

Because his good friend Nostradamus told him he would.

What do Polish arctic researchers do at elections?

They have a polar pole poll.

What's the biggest lie of the election?

Voting machines aren't hackable.

How do people in Iowa get elections?

By watching corn!

Why couldn't Hillary rig the election like she rigged the DNC?

She deleted that email.

What did the Metis people think of the look on Stephen Harper's face when he lost the election?

They though it was Riel funny!

What do you call an election in Syria?

A civil war

How do you know Putin's doing well this election?

He's taking over the Poles.

What did Hillary say when she bumped into Donald after the election?

Pardon me"

Why couldn't Hillary win the election?

Women only win .7 votes for every one a man wins.

What do you call someone who lost an election by 2 million votes?

Mr. President.

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Earth Jokes More Earth Jokes

Who are the biggest nay-sayers on Earth?

Horses

What's the fastest land animal on earth?

An Ethiopian chicken

Candidate Jokes More Candidate Jokes

What's your strongest weakness?

Candidate: ... *Realises stupid question & thinks of cover up M: It's a trick question. You're hired!

What did Bernie Sanders say when he found a dead body at a Democratic Party meeting to select candidates and decide policy?

Oh god, a caucus!" cuz he has a new england accent

Pleasure Jokes More Pleasure Jokes

What's your pleasure?

The seal replies, "Anything but Canadian Club."

What will men do for pleasure at that time?

God: *sigh* Fine. Mouths. But they'll talk. A lot.

Clown Jokes More Clown Jokes

Why's everyone so afraid of clowns?

Well.. You know what they say about big feet.

What do you do if you enter a room and a clown is having a stroke?

Close the door and go to .

Monica Jokes More Monica Jokes

What did Monica say to Hillary before Election Day?

Don't blow it

What do Hillary and Monica have in common?

They both blew it.

Supporter Jokes More Supporter Jokes

Why won't anti vaxers ever win an election?

All their supporters are home with sick kids

Why do you see so many Bernie Posts on r/all?

Because supporters of other candidates are out working or voting.

Tonight Jokes More Tonight Jokes

What are your best Sports Team jokes?

With the NHL season getting started tonight. I am wondering what are you best jokes making fun off sports teams. All Sports (Baseball,hockey,football, soccer etc).

How does a yoga instructor turn down an invite?

Namaste home tonight.

Win Jokes More Win Jokes

What's better than winning the Paralympic gold medal?

Not being in the Paralympics

What's your emergency?

Boy: Hello? I need your help! 911: Alright, What is it? Boy: Two girls are fighting over me! 911: So what's your emergency? Boy: The ugly one is winning.