News Jokes

What's worse than your doctor telling you that you have gonorrhea?

Getting the news from your dentist

Interactive Joke of the Day Mug

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Whats the difference between news of the US elections and Madeleine McCann?

News of the elections is getting old.

Who reads the news AND makes coffee?

Katie Keurig. (I know the setup might need some work but I just like the punchline I made up.)

What do Tim Cook and the iPhone 6 Plus have in common?

They both made the news for not being straight.

How did the wasps take that news?

God: Err...

Where does a redditor get most of his news from?

The Hydraulic Press

Where is 5?

Student : Yesterday I heard in the news that 5 died in a car accident. DIE

Why does the news keep telling people the pilot was depressed?

Does any of this really matter...

Did you hear the news?

FedEx and UPS are merging. They’re going to go by the name Fed-Up from now on.

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Doc Jokes More Doc Jokes

How bad is it, doc?

Well, you'll never run again" So basically the same

Why are YOU afraid?

Doc: I'm not Me: You said you were Doc: I lied. You got a month. HAPPY NOW

Travel Jokes More Travel Jokes

Why do people traveling east out of Sweden get a metal?

Because they're crossing the Finnish line.

Why do white girls always travel in odd numbers?

They can't even

Live Jokes More Live Jokes

What's black and dangerous and lives in a tree?

A: A gorilla with a machine gun.

What's the best thing about living in Switzerland?

Well, the flag's a big plus

Yesterday Jokes More Yesterday Jokes

Why can't you lie to an aborted fetus?

It wasn't born yesterday.

What do you call a Mexican baby born yesterday?

Diego

Cancer Jokes More Cancer Jokes

Which presidential candidate is the most likely to cause cancer?

Ben Carsonogen

What's the easiest way to get the chewing gum out of your hair?

Cancer

Bad News Bear Jokes More Bad News Bear Jokes

What do you call a polar bear who works for Fox News?

A bad news bear

What if the Bad News Bears literally gave you bad news?

Bear 1: You're adopted Bear 2: The cancer is terminal Bear 3: This tweet ain't funny

Moon Jokes More Moon Jokes

How does the man in the moon cut his hair?

Eclipse it.

What is the definition of "moon"?

The past tense of "moo"!

Want Jokes More Want Jokes

Why did you buy me a pair of bunny ears?

I wanted you to have a hoppy birthday!

What's being in love feel like?

You know when someone cancels plans you wanted to cancel anyway Almost as good as that.