Nascar Jokes

How did NASCAR get that name?

Redneck: 'That's nascar ye got there."

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What do Pink Floyd fans and NASCAR driver Kyle Larson have in common?

They both love The Wall

Why should you never watch a movie with a generous Nascar driver?

He might give away spoilers!

What's the worst news for a NASCAR driver before a race?

The track is alright."

Why did the mathematician quit his job and join NASCAR?

They told him he was good at deriving

What do white guys do that lasts hours and makes white women scream?

NASCAR

What is Zoolander's least favourite sport?

Nascar If you can even call it a sport.

What do Nascar and a Kinko's dumpster have in common?

They're both filled with white trash. -&y

Why is NASCAR so popular in the southern states?

Because that's where the most racists are.

Why did the kid with muscular dystrophy want to be an astronaut, a doctor, a lawyer, and a NASCAR driver when he grew up?

He had a lot of aspirations.

What does NASCAR stand for?

Non-athletic-sport-centered-around-rednecks (I heard this forever ago and wanted to share. Sorry if it happens to be a repost.)

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What do you call a person that worships NASCAR?

A racist!

Why can't mites race in NASCAR?

Because mites make rights, not lefts.

What does NASCAR really stand for?

Non Athletic Sport Centered Around Rednecks

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Love Jokes More Love Jokes

How do you tell who loves you more. Your wife or your dog?

Put both of them in the trunk of your car...drive around...open the trunk and see who is happy to see you.

What did the English man say when he walked in on his wife making love to three men?

Ello, 'ello, 'ello!

Derive Jokes More Derive Jokes

Why didn't Isaac Newton drink wine?

He knew better than to drink and derive.

What did the calculus teacher tell the crew of his submarine while they were diving?

Derive, derive, derive!

Stand Jokes More Stand Jokes

What should it sound like when it's connecting?

guy in the back stands up confidently Pterodactyls

Why do Redditors pay with exact change?

They can't stand a Nickleback!

Job Jokes More Job Jokes

How do know a job's been done by a lesbian carpenter?

There are no nails, and no screws, it's all tongue and groove!

Why did the scarecrow get the job?

Because he was out standing in his field.

Astronaut Jokes More Astronaut Jokes

Why did the astronaut break up with his girlfriend?

Because he needed his space.

How do astronauts say they're sorry?

They apollo-gize.

Scream Jokes More Scream Jokes

What's red and black and screaming all over?

Stevie Wonder when he answers the iron.

What's annoying about going 90 in a school zone?

The screaming speed bumps

Grow Jokes More Grow Jokes

What's the difference between a yogurt and the Americans?

If you leave a yogurt for 200 years it'll grow a culture.

Why do Italian men grow moustaches?

They want to look like their mothers.

Doctor Jokes More Doctor Jokes

What do you call a vet that can only work on one animal?

A doctor

What do you call a Tungsten Holmium compound with a Doctorate?

Doctor WHo