What does NASCAR stand for?

Non-athletic-sport-centered-around-rednecks (I heard this forever ago and wanted to share. Sorry if it happens to be a repost.)

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Want Jokes More Want Jokes

What did the cake say to the knife?

You want a piece of me !

What did the police officer want from the criminal store?

Just ice.

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What happens when you shoot a black man?

You go to jail for impersonating a police officer...

What ever happened to the Energizer Bunny?

So the other day I'm talking to a friend about what happened to the Energizer Bunny. It's been quite sometime since I've seen him appear in a commercial. I was always under the impression that he "kept going." My friend proceeds to tell me the Energizer Bunny was arrested last year ,and they charged him with battery. Now it all makes sense.

Stand Jokes More Stand Jokes

Why do women have shorter feet?

So they can stand closer to the kitchen counter.

Why are you late?

Teacher: Why are you late? Student: There was a man who lost a hundred dollar bill. Teacher: That's nice. Were you helping him look for it? Student: No. I was standing on it.

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How many /r/jokes reditorz does it take to change a light bulb?

21, the first 20 will just repost an old one.

What did the guy with a neckbeard say when he had to mail something twice?

REPOST!"

Hear Jokes More Hear Jokes

What did the farmer's daughter say when she lost her virginity?

Get off me dad you're crushing my smokes! Or "That'll do pig, that'll do." I have heard it both ways.

Why does everybody else get the brunt of the jokes?

Let me hear something different.

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How many Oregonians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: Six. One to screw in the lightbulb and five to fend off all those Californians trying to share the experience.

Why is Sigma good at sharing?

Because he only ever takes sum of the numbers!

Nascar Jokes More Nascar Jokes

What do you call a person that worships NASCAR?

A racist!

What do Pink Floyd fans and NASCAR driver Kyle Larson have in common?

They both love The Wall

Center Jokes More Center Jokes

Why did the feminist sign up for football?

She wanted to be the center of attention.

Who plays center forward for the vampire football team?

The ghoulscorer.