Achieve Jokes

What do Ted Cruz and an impotent Japanese man have in common?

Neither can achieve an election

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How do Communists achieve a revolution every single year?

They planet!

Why couldn't the effective vitamin supplement achieve true happiness?

He was too super fish oil.

What do they tell Soviet children who want to achieve their dreams?

Shoot for the Tsars.

Why did the Senator get on Viagara?

He wanted to achieve erection reform.

What's the best part about being cremated?

Finally achieving a smokin' hot body.

What's the difference between Hillary and Eva Braun?

One achieved fame and significance solely because she was married to a charismatic politician. The other was Hilter's wife.

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Tsar Jokes More Tsar Jokes

What could have been the most stuppidest result of Napolleonic wars if France won?

Tsar Napoleon.

Why did the dyslexic, Russian astronomer hate the revolution?

He was following the Tsar.

Sperm Jokes More Sperm Jokes

Why is a man's pee yellow and his sperm white?

A: So he can tell if he is coming or going.

What do sperm and politicians have in common?

About 1 in every 500 or 600 million have a chance at becoming human.

Ted Cruz Jokes More Ted Cruz Jokes

Why are there no pictures of Ted Cruz holding a baby?

They always turn out blurry from him shaking them.

What did Ted Cruz's wife get after being elbowed by him?

A Ted Bruz

Hilter Jokes More Hilter Jokes

What's the difference between Hillary and Eva Braun?

One achieved fame and significance solely because she was married to a charismatic politician. The other was Hilter's wife.

What do you get when you cross Hilter, the Terminator, and Cthulhu?

Don't stick around to find out!

Senator Jokes More Senator Jokes

What do you call a lawyer who has gone bad?

A: Senator.

What do you call a corrupt lawyer?

Senator.

Cremate Jokes More Cremate Jokes

Why did the man with bronchitis get cremated..?

he was tired of coffin.

What did the cremated Buddha who was placed in a cardboard box say?

I'm in light urn.'

Fame Jokes More Fame Jokes

What is the difference between a tube and a foolish Dutchman?

One is a hollow cylinder and the other a silly Hollander. Source (Cause I can't claim fame for Victorian era jokes):

What's the difference between Hillary and Eva Braun?

One achieved fame and significance solely because she was married to a charismatic politician. The other was Hilter's wife.

Significance Jokes More Significance Jokes

How many tax auditors does it take to find a $1.00 mistake in an expense report?

Three. One to find the mistake and two to discuss the significance of it.

What's the difference between Hillary and Eva Braun?

One achieved fame and significance solely because she was married to a charismatic politician. The other was Hilter's wife.