Achieve Jokes

What do Ted Cruz and an impotent Japanese man have in common?

Neither can achieve an election

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How do Communists achieve a revolution every single year?

They planet!

Why couldn't the effective vitamin supplement achieve true happiness?

He was too super fish oil.

What do they tell Soviet children who want to achieve their dreams?

Shoot for the Tsars.

Why did the Senator get on Viagara?

He wanted to achieve erection reform.

What's the best part about being cremated?

Finally achieving a smokin' hot body.

What's the difference between Hillary and Eva Braun?

One achieved fame and significance solely because she was married to a charismatic politician. The other was Hilter's wife.

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Stonehenge Jokes More Stonehenge Jokes

What kind of music do they play at Stonehenge?

Hard Rock.

What if Stonehenge was made to satirize the achievements of mankind?

It'd be a ruined joke.

Cremate Jokes More Cremate Jokes

Why was John Lennon so ashy?

Because he was cremated

Why did so many people show up to see the cannibal get cremated?

His family advertised it as a barbecue.

Field Jokes More Field Jokes

What do you call a green cow in a field?

Invisibull.

Why did the scare crow get a raise?

Because he was outstanding in his field. Annnnd you all have cancer now.

Hillary Jokes More Hillary Jokes

What would Hillary tell Bill when she will sit at the Oval Office?

Close, Bill, but no cigar!"

Why do brothels support Hillary?

Cause #FeelTheBern would be bad for business.

Election Jokes More Election Jokes

Why couldn't Hillary rig the election like she rigged the DNC?

She deleted that email.

What will the results of the next election be?

No one knows! The results were stolen from the Politburo just last night!

Dream Jokes More Dream Jokes

What kind of dreams do dustmites have?

Mitemares

I had a dream that I was a muffler last night.

I woke up exhausted!

Earn Jokes More Earn Jokes

Why is it easy to talk to people who earn little pay?

Because they make cents!

What's the stupidest, most useless comment that can still earn you some karma?

This

Shoot Jokes More Shoot Jokes

What is the difference between Elliot Rodgers and Malaysia Airlines?

Malaysia Airlines only has been shot down once.

Why do they say "break a leg !" to actors ?

If you said "tear an ACL !" to a star athlete, you'd be shot on the spot.