Asylum Jokes

Why shouldn't you get asylum in Russia?

Cuz you'd be snowed-in

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Why was Santa in the asylum?

He lost his SANTAty

What does an asylum have in common with a squirrel's house?

They're both used to store nuts.

Why did the cheese get sent to the asylum?

Coz 'e-mmental!

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Mental Asylum Jokes More Mental Asylum Jokes

What do you need to perform a fair test in a mental asylum?

A control freak.

What do you call a midget in a Mental Asylum?

I don't really know, but it sounds a little crazy

Fruit Jokes More Fruit Jokes

Which fruit wanted to run away and get married, but couldn't?

Cant-elope :D

What fruit can't get married?

CANTELOPE

Lose Jokes More Lose Jokes

Who lost the presidential debate?

We Americans

Why did the man lose his job in a fruit packing firm?

He kept throwing the bent bananas away.

Need Jokes More Need Jokes

What did the sergeant say to the corporal?

I need to see your privates.

Why do we need art?

Because the Earth without art is just "Eh".

Cheese Jokes More Cheese Jokes

What do you call a man with a fetish for US currency who works on a dairy farm?

A quarter-pounder with cheese.

What's a Scottish cannibal's favorite food?

Mac in cheese

Santa Jokes More Santa Jokes

How do you know that Santa is a man?

No woman wears the same attire every year.

What did the racist ask Santa for?

A white Christmas.

Vegetable Jokes More Vegetable Jokes

Why do neurologists think they're God?

Because they can turn any animal into a vegetable!

What is both a fruit and a vegetable?

Elton John in a coma.

Nut Jokes More Nut Jokes

What did the handyman do... when he got his girlfriend in bed with him for the first time?

He screwed, nutted, and bolted.

What does the Pillsbury Dough boy hide under his apron?

Dough nuts!