Comcast Jokes

How do you know you're on the phone with a meth head?

When comcast puts them on hold and they don't hang up

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What's something Comcast is giving you, besides crappy service?

How many Comcast customer service agents does it take to change a lightbulb?

Is the lightbulb plugged in sir?

Why did North Korea lose Internet?

Because they switched to Comcast.

Why is the founder of Comcast going to purgatory?

He met St. Peter at the pearly gates and St. Peter said was, "Please hold. Your soul is very important to us."

What's the difference between the armed forces and Comcast?

Nobody ever says "Thank you for your service" to the latter.

What's the worst part about having Comcast internet?

What internet provider does Satan use in hell?

Comcast

Why don't you invite a Comcast worker to your party?

Because nobody likes his company!

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How did Mark Zuckerberg meet Miley Cyrus?

Social net twerking

Where do twin lesbians meet up?

A Clone Dyke Bar.

Satan Jokes More Satan Jokes

How do you know Satan's barbeque ribs are good?

Cos they're trident tested. #noapologies

Why doesn't God want to argue with Satan?

Because Satan has more politicians to help him.

Difference Jokes More Difference Jokes

What is the difference between a dentist and a New York baseball fan?

One yanks for the roots, the other roots for the Yanks.

What's the difference between a masochist and a blogger?

There's none, both live for the hits.

Soul Jokes More Soul Jokes

What's the difference between a girl that's praying and a girl that's having a bubble bath?

One has hope in her soul, The other has soap in her hole.

Where's the election victory that you promised me?

Satan: Where's the soul that you said you had

Like Jokes More Like Jokes

Why are Eskimos always alone?

Because they like being ice-olated

When I walked to the register with the condoms the clerk asked "Would you like a bag?

I replied "No, she's not that ugly"

Hell Jokes More Hell Jokes

What the hell is this REstraining Order?

I never even got a Straining Order I'm gonna go over to her house and sort this out.

What the hell is going on here?

Wife turns to the man and says "Told you he was stupid."

Hang Jokes More Hang Jokes

What's black and white stinks and hangs from a line?

A drip dry skunk.

Why do valley girls hang out in odd numbered groups?

Because they can't even.

Founder Jokes More Founder Jokes

Who's the founder of the Japanese Wikipedia?

Yojimbo Wales! (Joke stolen from co-worker)

Why is the founder of Comcast going to purgatory?

He met St. Peter at the pearly gates and St. Peter said was, "Please hold. Your soul is very important to us."