Invite Jokes

Why are Alabama weddings so small?

They've only gotta invite one family

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What do you feed a feminist at a cookout?

Trick question. Nobody invites feminists to a cookout.

Why do ghosts get invited to parties?

Because they always bring boos.

Why are chickens never invited to the party?

They are always party fowls.

Why did Thor not invite many people to his brother's wedding?

Because it was Low key

How many hippies does it take to change a lightbulb?

Please help. There are ten so far and they have invited their gross friends to our home. They are using the broken lightbulb to smoke crack off of.

What did the Terminator say when he was invited to a music themed fancy dress party?

I'll be Bach.

When the animal kingdom had a poker party who didn't they invite?

The Cheetahs!

Why should you always invite mushrooms to your parties?

They're fun guys!

Why aren't pigs invited to black tie events?

Haven't you ever seen pig's tie? It's filthy!

Why should you always invite more than one Baptist on a fishing trip?

Because if you only invite one, he'll drink all your beer.

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What did the fisherman do when he really liked a woman?

He invited her over to net fish and krill.

What Super Models should you invite to your birthday party ?

What Super Models should you invite to your birthday party ? Cake Moss and Naomi Candles

Why did the local university invite a foreign chemist?

Florine talent.

Why did the mushroom get invited to the party?

Because he was a fungi

What do you do after you but a new oven?

Invite all of your friends over and have an oven warming party.

What's the difference between a roasted chicken and a time bomb?

If you don't know the answer please never invite me to dinner.

Why do Native Americans like being invited to Thanksgiving dinners?

Because usually they're stuck with reservations.

Why did Mike Tyson bring his calculator to church?

He was invited to thunday math.

Who's the best person to invite over for Christmas?

Charlie Sheen. Because you know it's GUARANTEED to be a white Christmas when he's around.

Why shouldn't you invite a duck to go out drinking?

Because it would be a party fowl.

Why don't Pirates get invited to Birthday parties?

Because they always steal doubloons

How do you get a Mormon to stop drinking all of your alcohol?

Invite two of them.

Who did the ghost invite to his party?

Anyone he could dig up.

What do actuaries do to liven up their office party?

Invite an accountant.

Why wasn't the Achilles invited into the body?

Because it was already attendin'.

Why did vatican invite Bernie not Hillary?

They couldn't afford it.

Why was the first computer never invited to dinner?

It would just take a few bytes then run.

Why does Tom Hiddleston only invite his closest friends/family to his birthday?

He likes to keep things low key.

Why do you always invite at least two mormons to go out fishing with you?

If you invite only one, you'll have to share your beer.

What did Arnold Schwarzenegger say when invited to the musician themed costume party?

I'll be Bach

Why 21 didn't invite his brother for dinner?

What did they do at the Boston Tea Party ?

I don't know I wasn't invited !

How the rap feud started Me: can u invite all the rappers to my b'day party?

2pac: sure, no biggie Biggieeavesdropping: wipes tears

How do you get a Mormon to stop drinking all your booze?

You invite two of them.

Why are Trees never invited to a formal dinner ?

They only wear Trunks.

What kinds of people don't get invited to blonde parties?

A: Women!

Why was Mussolini never invited to parties?

He was always fascistly late.

Why does Kylo Ren decline all my raid invites in WoW?

Cause he been solo.

Why wasn't Thor invited to his brother's surprise party?

Odin wanted to keep it 'Loki'.

Why should you always invite Amish people to a party?

They know how to raise the roof.

How does a yoga instructor turn down an invite?

Namaste home tonight.

Why is Arjen Robben not being invited to Alfredo Di Stefanos funeral?

They're scared he'll try to dive in the box.

What did the two story house say to its friend after it had just finished working out, and it's friend invited I to a party?

I'm two tiered. I came up with this at 1am, enjoy.

Why should you never invite a boxer to a party?

He always throws the punch.

Why don't you invite a Comcast worker to your party?

Because nobody likes his company!

Why should you never invite a pig to join your tug-of-war team?

Pigs want to be pulled through the mudhole.

Why should you only invite gas molecules to your house when they have negligible intermolecular forces between them?

Because they're the ideal gas.

Why did the mushroom get invited to the party?

Because he was a fungi.

Why does Superman get invited to dinners?

Because he is a Supperhero.

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What do you say when Kanye West does something that annoys you?

Kanye not.

What noise annoys a noisy oyster?

A noisy noise annoys a noisy oyster.

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What music do dyslexic programmers listen to?

Run/CMD

What's Sisyphus' least favourite type of music?

Rock and Roll.

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What did the soccer player shout to the baker who's cakes kept sticking to the tin?

LINE IT!"

What do freezing rain and cake icing have in common?

Both are a glaze

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What do golfers do on nights out?

par**ty.

How does Thor's brother like to party?

He likes to keep it pretty Lo-key

Bach Jokes More Bach Jokes

Why couldn't Bach be a rapper?

Because he's Baroque.

Who's there ! Bach ! Bach who ?

Bach to work!

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How do the greek separate the men from the boys?

With a crow bar.

What did Ronald Reagan say in his presidential campaign?

Electron. Also, what did the Greek warrior say when he saw the wooden horse Hydrogen please spare me

Crack Jokes More Crack Jokes

How many hippies does it take to change a lightbulb?

Please help. There are ten so far and they have invited their gross friends to our home. They are using the broken lightbulb to smoke crack off of.

What do a carjacker and pervert have in common?

They're always cracking in-ya-windows!

Use Jokes More Use Jokes

What do zombies use to prepare their turkeys for cooking on the smoker?

Briiiiines...

Why do you like little kids...?

They have to use TWO hands.