Complete Jokes

What do you call a can after it completes college?

A graduated cylinder.

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What is the difference between complete and finished?

If you find the right woman, you're complete.

What did the author of The Lord Of The Rings say after he completed his books?

If you like dialogue, theres a whole lot of Tolkein.

What did the samurai do...?

Q: What did the samurai do when he was dishonored by his inability to complete the crossword puzzle? A: He committed ritual sudoku.

How many schoolteachers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Anything not completed during the lesson is added to the homework.

Why can't John complete a workout?

He tried, but it didn't work out.

Why was the track runner with low self-esteem able to complete the race even after being impaled by a stray javelin?

He didn't know he had it in him.

What's in 65 days?

The blonde replies, "I completed the puzzle in 65 days! The box said 2 to 4 years!"

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Poke Jokes More Poke Jokes

How do you wake a sleeping Lady Gaga?

You poke poke poker face

How do you make a Venetian blind?

Poke him in the eye

Stumble Jokes More Stumble Jokes

How can you tell the difference between a catholic, a baptist, and a Methodist?

A baptist will run into a liquor store, buy their alcohol and run out. A Methodist will walk into a liquor store and say high to everyone, then buy their alcohol and walk out. A catholic will show up to the store completely hammered, hug everyone, get their alcohol and stumble their way out of the store.

How much does 1 drop of gas cost me?

The boy stumbles: "Well euhm ... nothing I guess." "Thanks, I'll have 2 million drops then"

Run Jokes More Run Jokes

What did the police officer say to the white man running away with a TV?

Sir, you dropped your receipt!"

Why doesn't Mexico have its own Olympic team?

Because all those who can run, jump, or swim are already in the US.

Know Jokes More Know Jokes

What is it about glow sticks that makes me want to dance in a field wearing fairy wings?

If only I hadn't taken so many drugs I'd know this.

Who invented rhetorical questions?

How should I know?

Tell Jokes More Tell Jokes

What do you tell someone you didn't see at New Year's Eve?

I haven't seen you for a year!

How can you tell when a girl is vegan?

She'll tell you

Hispanic Jokes More Hispanic Jokes

What do you call a Hispanic person holding a silenced weapon?

Puerto-RECON

How does a neckbeard neurologist address a Hispanic midwife who can't quit her job?

M'doula obligada.

Start Jokes More Start Jokes

What do you call the reptile that started the fight?

The insti-gator.

Why did the dog's friends send her home from the bar when she started to act strange?

They thought she might have been slipped a woofie.

Complete Stranger Jokes More Complete Stranger Jokes

Why have all these complete strangers started to poke around outside my window?

A: They wanna peek-a-chu.

How do you know if a complete stranger is vegan?

They already told you.