Farmer Jokes

Why did the farmer stop smoking with his cattle?

Because the steaks were too high...

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What's a fresh vegetable?

One that insults a farmer.

What do pirate farmers charge for their corn?

A buccaneer

What did the farmer say when all his cows charged him at once ?

I'm on the horns of a dilemma here !

Why did the farmer fence in the bull?

The farmer had too much of a steak in him to let him go!

How did the farmer find his girlfriend?

He tractor!

Why did the Farmer win a Nobel-Prize?

Because he was outstanding in his field

Why did the farmer fire the DJ?

Because he kept on dropping beets.

What did the cow say when it saw the farmer twice in one day?

Deja Moo!

Why did the farmer get nominated for an award?

Because he was outstanding in his field. Why didn't the farmer make it to the award ceremony Because he was out standing in his field.

What did the farmer call the cow that would not give him any milk ?

An udder failure !

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How did the farmer grow his portfolio?

Cornstock

Why don't cows ever have any money?

Because the farmers milk them dry!

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Mac Leod Jokes More Mac Leod Jokes

What's the difference between Mick Jagger, and a Scottish farmer?

Mick Jagger says 'Hey, you, get off of my cloud' The Scottish farmer says 'Hey, MacLeod, get off of my ewe'

What's the difference between Mick Jagger and a Scottish shepherd?

One says, "Hey, you, get off of my cloud!" The other says, "Hey, MacLeod, get off of my ewe!

Mc Leod Jokes More Mc Leod Jokes

What's the difference between a Scotsman and a Rolling Stone?

A: A Rolling Stone says "hey you get off of my cloud!" while a Scotsman says "Hey McLeod get off of my ewe!"

Whats the difference between Mick Jagger and a Scottish farmer?

Mick Jagger sings eh you, get offa mai cloud, but the Scottish farmer says eh McLeod, get offa mai ewe!

Stand Jokes More Stand Jokes

What does Air bnb stand for?

Bring no blacks

Why are you standing in front of the Gentlement Restroom?

Sarah kept silent.

Fit Jokes More Fit Jokes

What's the difference between an airplane bathroom and your mom?

Your mom can fit 3 people inside her comfortably!

Whats funky and fits in a cardboard box?

A homeless epileptic.

Dressmaker Jokes More Dressmaker Jokes

What is the difference between a dressmaker and a farmer?

A dressmaker sews what she gathers a farmer gathers what he sows.

What's the difference between a violist and a dressmaker?

A: A dressmaker tucks up frills.

Let Jokes More Let Jokes

How many bitter Hillary Clinton supporters does it take to change a light bulb?

None, we've decided to let a man do the job.

How has society let things go so far down hill that it still takes two minutes to make popcorn?

China probably can pop corn in one minute.

Gather Jokes More Gather Jokes

Why didn't Mick Jagger pick Randy Moss up from the airport?

Because a Rolling Stone gathers no Moss.

Where do Arabians with cowboy hats gather?

Howdy Arabia

Sow Jokes More Sow Jokes

Why wouldn't the sow let her piglets play with toads?

She didn't want them to grow into wart hogs.

What is the difference between a dressmaker and a farmer?

A dressmaker sews what she gathers a farmer gathers what he sows.