Farmer Jokes

Why did the farmer stop smoking with his cattle?

Because the steaks were too high...

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What's a fresh vegetable?

One that insults a farmer.

What do pirate farmers charge for their corn?

A buccaneer

What did the farmer say when all his cows charged him at once ?

I'm on the horns of a dilemma here !

Why did the farmer fence in the bull?

The farmer had too much of a steak in him to let him go!

How did the farmer find his girlfriend?

He tractor!

Why did the Farmer win a Nobel-Prize?

Because he was outstanding in his field

Why did the farmer fire the DJ?

Because he kept on dropping beets.

What did the cow say when it saw the farmer twice in one day?

Deja Moo!

Why did the farmer get nominated for an award?

Because he was outstanding in his field. Why didn't the farmer make it to the award ceremony Because he was out standing in his field.

What did the farmer call the cow that would not give him any milk ?

An udder failure !

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How did the farmer grow his portfolio?

Cornstock

Why don't cows ever have any money?

Because the farmers milk them dry!

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Scottish Farmer Jokes More Scottish Farmer Jokes

What's the difference between Mick Jagger, and a Scottish farmer?

Mick Jagger says 'Hey, you, get off of my cloud' The Scottish farmer says 'Hey, MacLeod, get off of my ewe'

Whats the difference between Mick Jagger and a Scottish farmer?

Mick Jagger sings eh you, get offa mai cloud, but the Scottish farmer says eh McLeod, get offa mai ewe!

Sing Jokes More Sing Jokes

Why did the little pig try to join the Navy?

He loved to sing "Oinkers Aweight"

Why do people say amen instead of awomen at church?

Because they sing hymns, not hers.

Tractor Jokes More Tractor Jokes

What does the farmer, looking for his tractor, say?

Where is my tractor?

How did the farmer find his lost cow?

He tractor down

Dorito Jokes More Dorito Jokes

What do you call someone who worships Doritos?

A chip monk.

What did the Dorito farmer say to the other Dorito farmer?

Cool Ranch!

Fall Jokes More Fall Jokes

Why did the flower fall over?

It was a little daisy

Why couldn't the bike stand up on its own?

It was two-tired. *Slaps knee* *Prosthetic leg falls off*

Tell Jokes More Tell Jokes

Why shouldn't you tell a story to a solipsist?

Because they won't believe it.

Why did the cowboy get a dachshund?

Cause he was told to get a long little doggy.

Bull Jokes More Bull Jokes

Why was the bull popular with all the cows?

Because he was smooooooooth

What do you call it when the bull impales the bullfighter?

A hole in Juan!

Fit Jokes More Fit Jokes

How many people does it take to screw in a light?

Two, but I don't know how they'll fit inside the bulb

How many gnomes does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Just the two, really. Or as many as will fit, if theyre feeling frisky.