Real Life Jokes

Why do console gamers use their in game names in real life?

They haven't got anti-aliasing.

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What did Brad Pitt in Seven and Harvey Weinstein in real life both get?

Gwyneth Paltrow's head.

What do you get when you have seven dragon balls?

Nothing! This is real life.

What's the difference between Jesus in real life and Jesus in a picture frame?

It only takes one nail to hang up Jesus in a picture frame.

Whenever I meet a Jim I ask, "is that short for Jimberly?

and I have few friends in real life.

How can you tell soap operas are fictional?

In real life, men aren't affectionate out of bed.

How can you tell if someone's a redditor,in real life?

Ask them if they're on reddit. I'm sorry.

What next?

Damn. I guess we'll have talk to people in real life.

How do you use calculus in real life?

You integrate it

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Use Jokes More Use Jokes

How is she?

Doctor: "I'm afraid she's critical". Me: "Oh, you get used to that...".

What do you do with old cannon balls ?

Give them to elephants to use as marbles !

Jim Jokes More Jim Jokes

Whenever I meet a Jim I ask, "is that short for Jimberly?

and I have few friends in real life.

What do you call a guy who works out regularly?

Jim.

Redditor Jokes More Redditor Jokes

What's a Redditor's favorite food?

Copy pasta! I'm so sorry

What did the Redditor say when... What did Redditor say when asked why he failed his PSAT test?

TL;DR"

System Jokes More System Jokes

What bands did they hire to play at the Developmental Disability Conference?

System of a Downs My Chemical Imbalance. Youth In Asia

What should you do if you get lots of e-mails saying 'What's up Doc?

What's up Doc ' Check for bugs in your system.

Napoleon Jokes More Napoleon Jokes

Where does Napoleon keep his armies?

In his sleevies.

What did Napoleon say on the rollercoaster?

Ouiiiiiiii!

Family Jokes More Family Jokes

What is the difference between a PhD in mathematics and a large pizza?

The pizza can feed a family of four

When my family says things like...why don't you have kids yet?

I say "Because I didn't get drunk & do the football team, Sasha."

Mother Jokes More Mother Jokes

Why did the mother of twins name both of her sons Edward?

Because two Eds are better than one.

What is the definition of a Freudian slip?

when you say one thing and mean a mother. Don't remember where I heard it. Haven't read it here yet.

Hack Jokes More Hack Jokes

Why did the computer science student drop out?

He just couldn't hack it.

Why did Mary and Joseph's WIFI get hacked?

Because Jesus WEPt.