Napoleon Jokes

Why was Napoleon's last name Bonaparte?

He didn't have any ligaments

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What is the big hairy thing between Napoleon's legs?

His horse Marengo

What could have been the most stuppidest result of Napolleonic wars if France won?

Tsar Napoleon.

Why don't people name their kids 'Napoleon'?

It's too complex

Where does Napoleon keep his armies?

In his sleevies

Why didn't Napoleon qualify for the urgent marrow transplant?

They couldn't get his bonepart

Which real-life dictator was the most fun?

Napoleon BonaPARTAY!!!

Where did Napoleon keep his armies?

IN HIS SLEEVIES! Best used with little kids, or followed by maniacal laughter.

What is the difference between Napoleon and his son?

One is a Bonaparte from the other.

What did Napoleon say on the rollercoaster?

Ouiiiiiiii!

What kind of bathroom does Napoleon use?

A Waterloo

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What did Napoleon have up his sleevies?

His armies!

Why did Napoleon return from exile?

He needed more Elba room.

What did Napoleon say about the chopped up body?

I wanna Bone a part

Why didn't Napoleon get his wish?

Because he couldn't pull the wish Bonaparte.

Why did Napoleon wear sleeves?

For his armies

Where does Napoleon keep his armies?

In his sleevies.

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What is the difference between a girl and a washer?

The washer doesn't follow you around after you put a load in it.

What is the difference between a washing machine and a girl?

A washing machine doesn't follow you around after you dump a load in it.

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What street in France do reindeer live on?

Rue Dolph

Why do you only need one egg in France?

Because one egg is un oeuf.

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What do you call souvenirs from the last battle of the Napoleonic wars?

Wat-heirlooms.

Why do Chinese tourists get disappointed when they visit America?

Because when they buy souvenirs they find out they were made in China.

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What will they now use on photos for LGBT magazines?

an airbroosh

Why do Soviets use lowercase letters?

Because they don't understand CAPitalism

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What's big, bounces, and makes little kids cry?

My donation check to the orphanage.

Where did Napoleon keep his armies?

IN HIS SLEEVIES! Best used with little kids, or followed by maniacal laughter.

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Where did George Washington keep his armies?

In his sleevies.

Where did Napoleon keep his armies?

IN HIS SLEEVIES! Best used with little kids, or followed by maniacal laughter.

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What do they tell Soviet children who want to achieve their dreams?

Shoot for the Tsars.

What could have been the most stuppidest result of Napolleonic wars if France won?

Tsar Napoleon.

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What happened to the Russians and Austrians at Austerlitz?

They got Napoleon Blownapart! Happy 200th Anniversary of Waterloo everyone!

Who ruled France until he exploded?

A: Napoleon Blownapart!