How do you stop a baby from crawling around in circles?

Nail its other hand to the floor.

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Stop Jokes More Stop Jokes

What did the mummy snake say to the crying baby snake?

Stop crying and viper your nose.

What do you call a twig that won't stop looking in the mirror?

A narcissistick.

Nail Jokes More Nail Jokes

Why are your nails painted two different colors?

Daughter: Dad. It's an accent color. Dad: ... Dad: Can I hear it

What do nails like to do on the weekend?

Get hammered.

Hand Jokes More Hand Jokes

What four letter word starts with F ends in K and if you can't get it you have to use your hands or fingers...?

A fork

Why is being a pirate addictive?

They say that after you lose your first hand, you get hooked!

Baby Jokes More Baby Jokes

What's red and silver and bumps in to walls?

A baby with forks in it's eyes.

Where do you buy a baby?

Hole Foods.

Circle Jokes More Circle Jokes

Who circles a dying gost in the desert?

ghost buzzards

What do you call a bunch of cats sitting in a circle?

The purr-rimiter.

Floor Jokes More Floor Jokes

Why were Jeremy Clarkson's colleagues excited to try his mulled wine?

Because they'd been floored by his punch.

What did the cheese maker say when his vat got dumped to the floor?

That's no gouda

Crawl Jokes More Crawl Jokes

Why is he 50m from where he got shot?

Our best guess was he tried crawling home to clear his browser history"

How'd you sleep?

Him: *texts* Horrible...I was tossing and turn- Me: *crawls out from under his bed* I KNOW, YOU POOR THING.