What did a police officer write in the criminal report, when they found a homey from the bottom of a lake, wrapped in 200 kg's of metal chains?

Offender stole more than he could carry by swimming

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Find Jokes More Find Jokes

Why did the Stormtrooper buy an iPhone?

Because he couldn't find the Droid he was looking for.

What should you do if you find a 500-pound dog asleep on your bed?

Sleep on the sofa.

Carry Jokes More Carry Jokes

What does a skeleton use to carry his bones?

A CART-ilage

How do you do that?

I carry my laptop outside and if it gets wet I know it's raining!

Steal Jokes More Steal Jokes

Why did the asian man get arrested for stealing a Buick sedan?

It was a Regal

What is so bad about being half black and half asian?

You can steal a car but you can't drive it.

Swim Jokes More Swim Jokes

What's yellow and can't swim?

A bulldozer

Why Republicans cannot swim as freely as they want?

Dems!

Wrap Jokes More Wrap Jokes

What did the psychiatrist say to the man who walked into her office wearing only cling wrap?

I can clearly see you(')r(e) nuts.

What is less Kosher than a bacon wrapped shrimp?

A communion wafer

Write Jokes More Write Jokes

Why was Shakespeare always a good teammate to have?

Because no matter the sport, he would always play write

Why do North Korean officials are always seen holding a notebook and a pen when they're near Kim Jong Un?

They're writing their last will and testament.

Police Officer Jokes More Police Officer Jokes

Who drives?

The police officer

What is the favorite saying of a police officer in the Simpsons?

If it's yellow let it mellow, if it's brown shoot it down.

Offender Jokes More Offender Jokes

When she got in front of the judge he asked, "first offender?

She replied, "No. First a Gibson, second a Fender."

What did a police officer write in the criminal report, when they found a homey from the bottom of a lake, wrapped in 200 kg's of metal chains?

Offender stole more than he could carry by swimming

Lake Jokes More Lake Jokes

Why did the sheep jump into the lake?

A: He wanted to take a ba-a-a-th.

What do you call the Moon spirit that at once sits upon a lake of glowing jade and exists nestled within our divine souls?

Altha'or syzygena