Lake Jokes

Why are boats being driven into the side of the lake?

It's ram a dam

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Why did the hipster drown in the lake?

Because he went ice skating before it was cool.

What is the difference between Coors Light and a lake?

The can

What do you get when you cross a lake with a deflating raft?

Halfway.

What do you call the Moon spirit that at once sits upon a lake of glowing jade and exists nestled within our divine souls?

Altha'or syzygena

How was your day?

Lifeguard 2: Sad, I saw a bear in lake 1: How is that sad 2: He could bearly swim! 1:.. 2: He ate 3 campers

Where do you take a Chihuahua that has fallen into a lake?

To a weterinarian!

What did a police officer write in the criminal report, when they found a homey from the bottom of a lake, wrapped in 200 kg's of metal chains?

Offender stole more than he could carry by swimming

Why were the ghosts wet and tired?

They had just dread-ged the lake.

Why did the elephant jump in the lake when it began to rain ?

To stop getting wet !

What's big and grey and lives in a lake in Scotland ?

The Loch Ness Elephant !

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What do you call a guy with no arms or legs in a lake?

Bob

Why couldn't the lake birds get along?

Because they were SWAN enemies.

Why did the sheep jump into the lake?

A: He wanted to take a ba-a-a-th.

What do you get when you cross the Italian mafia with the Russian mafia?

Thrown in a lake.

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What kind of court order would be placed on a pig in order to prevent it from taking a specific course of action?

A: An inj-oink-tion.

How many couples does it take to screw in a light bulb?

They can't, it'd be much too cramped. How would they even get in there in the first place?

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What's the difference between Twitter and Game of Thrones?

Twitter only allows 140 characters.

What's the difference between The Rolling Stones and a Scot?

One says "hey, you, get off of my cloud", and the other says "hey, McLeod, get off of my ewe".

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What has 4 legs and a trunk?

The 2 nigerians that stole my trunk

Why do 2 bit gamblers never win at blackjack ?

Because they can only count to 3.

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Where do people from Laos like to swim?

In Laotian.

Why do seals swim in salt water?

Cause pepper makes them sneeze.

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How many Democrats does it take to change a light bulb?

It only takes one, but we weren't able to get the work done in 1 term because we inherited a really bad situation from the prior administration.

What's the best thing about being a meth head?

1 sleep until Christmas.

Bear Jokes More Bear Jokes

How do you confuse a man?

You don't - they're born that way.

What did the large furry mammal say when the salamander who kept asking for favors went too far?

I can't bear it! You axolotl of me this time!

Ice Skating Jokes More Ice Skating Jokes

Why did the hipster drown in the lake?

Because he went ice skating before it was cool.

Why do hipsters hate ice skating?

They could never do it before it was cool

Good Place Jokes More Good Place Jokes

Where is the best place to hide a body?

Buried in the third page of google search results.

Where's the best place to hide a body?

Stephen Hawking's personal gym.