Lake Jokes

Why are boats being driven into the side of the lake?

It's ram a dam

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Why did the hipster drown in the lake?

Because he went ice skating before it was cool.

What is the difference between Coors Light and a lake?

The can

What do you get when you cross a lake with a deflating raft?

Halfway.

What do you call the Moon spirit that at once sits upon a lake of glowing jade and exists nestled within our divine souls?

Altha'or syzygena

How was your day?

Lifeguard 2: Sad, I saw a bear in lake 1: How is that sad 2: He could bearly swim! 1:.. 2: He ate 3 campers

Where do you take a Chihuahua that has fallen into a lake?

To a weterinarian!

What did a police officer write in the criminal report, when they found a homey from the bottom of a lake, wrapped in 200 kg's of metal chains?

Offender stole more than he could carry by swimming

Why were the ghosts wet and tired?

They had just dread-ged the lake.

Why did the elephant jump in the lake when it began to rain ?

To stop getting wet !

What's big and grey and lives in a lake in Scotland ?

The Loch Ness Elephant !

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What do you call a guy with no arms or legs in a lake?

Bob

Why couldn't the lake birds get along?

Because they were SWAN enemies.

Why did the sheep jump into the lake?

A: He wanted to take a ba-a-a-th.

What do you get when you cross the Italian mafia with the Russian mafia?

Thrown in a lake.

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What's the difference between 2015 and Moore's Law?

One's the year of the ram, the other is the ram of the year.

Why are boats being driven into the side of the lake?

It's ram a dam

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Why do you like to go on camping trips?

Chihuahua: I like to "ruff it!

What is your favorite holiday?

Chihuahua: Howloween!

New York Jokes More New York Jokes

What are the pigs warned to look out for in New York?

Pigpockets.

What part of New York has the most feminists?

Manhatin'

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Why did the midget go swimming in the kitchen?

There were microwaves. Sorry I was drunk making popcorn.

What has two knees and swims in the ocean?

A Two-knee fish!.....

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Why didn't the melons get married in Vegas?

Because they cantaloupe. This joke was brought to you by Dads inc.

What kind of joke do peeping Toms like?

In-ya-window

Sequel Jokes More Sequel Jokes

What will the sequel to Lake Placid that takes place 50 years later be called?

Lake Flaccid

Why did the little girl drop her ice cream?

She got hit by a bus. Sequel: Why did the little girl's sister drop her ice cream Someone threw a fridge at her.

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How heavy is a hipster?

One thousand instagrams

Why don't hipsters shoot heroin?

It's too mainstream

Water Jokes More Water Jokes

What do you call a bottle of seltzer that lost all its bubbles?

Water...

What's the best way to keep water from running?

Don't pay the water bill.