Lake Jokes

Why are boats being driven into the side of the lake?

It's ram a dam

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Why did the hipster drown in the lake?

Because he went ice skating before it was cool.

What is the difference between Coors Light and a lake?

The can

What do you get when you cross a lake with a deflating raft?

Halfway.

What do you call the Moon spirit that at once sits upon a lake of glowing jade and exists nestled within our divine souls?

Altha'or syzygena

How was your day?

Lifeguard 2: Sad, I saw a bear in lake 1: How is that sad 2: He could bearly swim! 1:.. 2: He ate 3 campers

Where do you take a Chihuahua that has fallen into a lake?

To a weterinarian!

What did a police officer write in the criminal report, when they found a homey from the bottom of a lake, wrapped in 200 kg's of metal chains?

Offender stole more than he could carry by swimming

Why were the ghosts wet and tired?

They had just dread-ged the lake.

Why did the elephant jump in the lake when it began to rain ?

To stop getting wet !

What's big and grey and lives in a lake in Scotland ?

The Loch Ness Elephant !

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What do you call a guy with no arms or legs in a lake?

Bob

Why couldn't the lake birds get along?

Because they were SWAN enemies.

Why did the sheep jump into the lake?

A: He wanted to take a ba-a-a-th.

What do you get when you cross the Italian mafia with the Russian mafia?

Thrown in a lake.

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What was written on the UNIX user's doormat?

There's no place like cd "

What's the safest place to be during a North Korean missile strike?

A: The place they are aiming at.

Swim Jokes More Swim Jokes

Why did a gambler scare everyone out swimming?

He was a card shark!

Why is it a bad idea to swim in the Mississippi River?

Because it has pp in it.

Difference Jokes More Difference Jokes

What's the difference between a virtual car and a real one?

You can't steal a real car a few bits at a time

What's the difference between a wife and a mistress?

A: About fifty pounds.

2 Jokes More 2 Jokes

Why did the 2 contractors hire a pilot to help survey their land?

Because they really wanted a third's eye view!

How do you make a baby float?

2 scoops ice cream 1 scoop dead baby

Drive Jokes More Drive Jokes

Why did the siamese twins moved to England?

So the other one would also drive

What's the longest you've ever stared at your phone without glancing up to look at the road while driving?

For me it's three weeks.

Halfway Jokes More Halfway Jokes

What do you get when you cross a lake with a deflating raft?

Halfway.

How far can you run into the woods?

Halfway, any further and you're running out.

Moon Jokes More Moon Jokes

Why did the restaurant on the moon fail?

They barely had any atmosphere.

How does the Moon get its haircut?

Eclipse it!

Water Jokes More Water Jokes

Why does the ocean have water?

Because the sky is

What couple rode a horse up a hill to fetch a pail of water?

Jockey and Jill!