What would you do if i won the lottery?

Wife: I'd take half and leave. Husband: Well here's $6 and you can start packing anytime now.

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Wife Jokes More Wife Jokes

How can I buy the New York Times?

He replies "Ask my wife. She'll tell you how you do it.

What does a carpet salesman give his wife for Valentine's Day?

Rugs and kisses!

Start Jokes More Start Jokes

Why did the EU start downloading random stuff to it's computer?

It had freed up one GB of space.

Why did the farmer start a punk rock band?

He was tired of Haulin' Oats

Leave Jokes More Leave Jokes

How many guns do I have left?

That's right. 10.

What does the customer say to the worker as he leaves the store after buying a discounted item?

Good buy.

Win Jokes More Win Jokes

What the hell was that?

What the hell was that What the hell was that " (Winning Scriptwriter Submission for Ghost Hunters)

What's the difference between fighting on the internet and participating in the paralympics?

None, even if you win, you're still retarded.

Pack Jokes More Pack Jokes

Why did the cosmonaut forget to pack extra underwear?

Because he was Russian.

Why do managers bring suitcases along to away games?

So that they can pack the defence!

Husband Jokes More Husband Jokes

What's round and black and blue?

A blueberry that occasionally gets hit by her husband

Who does he look like?

I'm like, 'Your husband'

Half Jokes More Half Jokes

What has two legs and bleeds?

Half of your dog...I hit it with my car.

What is so bad about being half black and half asian?

You can steal a car but you can't drive it.

Lottery Jokes More Lottery Jokes

What did Helen Keller say when she won the lottery?

uunnnnnnnnnnnnngggggggggggggg!

How amazing is it that nobody in the same Kingdom as Cinderella , had the same sized feet as her ?

She should play the lottery too !