What would you do if i won the lottery?

Wife: I'd take half and leave. Husband: Well here's $6 and you can start packing anytime now.

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Wife Jokes More Wife Jokes

Why did the programmer get a job working with big data when his wife died?

He just needed a little bit of Clojure.

What do you call it when your wife brings you rice porridge in prison?

Congee-gal visit

Start Jokes More Start Jokes

How do you start an earthquake in East Africa?

Shake Djibouti.

How many heroin addicts does it take to change a lightbulb?

Four. One to hold the lightbulb and three to smoke until the room starts spinning!

Leave Jokes More Leave Jokes

Why is it wrong to be on the left?

Because it's not right.

What did the balding German frau exclaim when her husband left her?

Ach! I tink I'm losing mein Herr!

Win Jokes More Win Jokes

Who would win a fight between an octopus and a shark?

The octopus because it is well armed.

Who wins the election?

America.

Pack Jokes More Pack Jokes

Who's there ! Adelia ! Adelia who ?

Adelia the cards after you cut the pack !

What would you do if i won the lottery?

Wife: I'd take half and leave. Husband: Well here's $6 and you can start packing anytime now.

Husband Jokes More Husband Jokes

What should you do if you see your ex-husband rolling around in pain on the ground?

Shoot him again.

How many walruses does it take to make a sandwich?

Don't be silly, walruses don't make sandwiches; women make sandwiches. Made this up to bug my sister. It worked. Her husband laughed.

Half Jokes More Half Jokes

What is the easiest way to make a banana split?

Cut it in half.

Why did the Priest go to Walmart?

Because the little boys pants were half off.

Lottery Jokes More Lottery Jokes

What's the difference between a person that just won the lottery and a fairy in salt water?

One is tickled pink, the other is a pickled Tink.

Why did the Greenlander get so angry when he didn't win the lottery?

Because he was inuit to win it