What would you do if i won the lottery?

Wife: I'd take half and leave. Husband: Well here's $6 and you can start packing anytime now.

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Wife Jokes More Wife Jokes

What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave you ?

My Wife... Turn sideways and look in the mirror!

How does a butcher introduce his wife to his friends?

Meet Patty"

Start Jokes More Start Jokes

What happened when Billy Mays's ghost floated into the rave?

Everyone started partying like it was $19.99.

Why did the farmer start a punk rock band?

He was tired of Haulin' Oats

Leave Jokes More Leave Jokes

How much space does the EU have left?

1GB

What did the yoga teacher say when someone asked if she wanted to leave the party early?

Namaste

Win Jokes More Win Jokes

Why do composers win debates?

Because when their opponent makes a point, they always respond with a valid counterpoint.

Why couldn't Hillary win the election?

Women only win .7 votes for every one a man wins.

Pack Jokes More Pack Jokes

What does a tree do when it goes on vacation?

It packs its trunk and leaves.

Why were the Beakers all packed and moved out of the university lab?

They were graduated

Husband Jokes More Husband Jokes

What is another difference between a circus and a whorehouse?

My husband doesn't go to the circus

What did the husband say to his wife when he tried pushing it in as much as he could, but it still wouldn't fit?

He said "I'm going to try on a different shoe size."

Half Jokes More Half Jokes

What did Daredevil say after begrudgingly agreeing with The Punisher's brutally honest opinion that he's just a half-measure?

You're such a Frank Castle."

What's worse than finding a caterpillar in your apple?

Finding half a caterpillar in your apple

Lottery Jokes More Lottery Jokes

What lottery did the broom win?

The sweepstakes.

Why did the hick move to a toxic waste dump after winning the lottery?

They heard it was a Superfund site.