Lottery Jokes

What would you do if i won the lottery?

Wife: I'd take half and leave. Husband: Well here's $6 and you can start packing anytime now.

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What would you do if you won the lottery?

Two friends meet together and one asks: What would you do if you won the lottery? -I would build a brothel! Oh, and if it went wrong and you loose money? -I'd open it to the public

Why did the Greenlander get so angry when he didn't win the lottery?

Because he was inuit to win it

Why did the hick move to a toxic waste dump after winning the lottery?

They heard it was a Superfund site.

What has six balls and screws everybody?

The lottery.

What do they call the lottery in Africa?

Celebrity adoption.

What did Helen Keller say when she won the lottery?

uunnnnnnnnnnnnngggggggggggggg!

What does a guy who can predict the lottery numbers 99% of the time have in common with the letters C, D, G, H, J, K, M, N, O, P, Q, R, S, T, U, V, W, X, Y, and Z?

They're not infallible

How amazing is it that nobody in the same Kingdom as Cinderella , had the same sized feet as her ?

She should play the lottery too !

What lottery did the broom win?

The sweepstakes.

Why did the former fitter turned baker enter the lottery?

To win dough.

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What's the difference between a person that just won the lottery and a fairy in salt water?

One is tickled pink, the other is a pickled Tink.

Who's there ! Charles ! Charles who ?

Charles your luck on the lottery !

What did the electrical engineer do when she found out that she hadn't won the lottery?

She soldered on.

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Guy Jokes More Guy Jokes

Why is Windows going from 8 to 10?

Because 7 ate 9. Credit to a guy I work with.

How many people does it take to screw a lightbulb?

Just one guy with a really weird fetish.

Inuit Jokes More Inuit Jokes

What did the natives say when they discovered a Yeti living amongst them in their village?

Inuit.

Why did the Eskimo break up with his girlfriend?

He just wasn't really Inuit...

Half Jokes More Half Jokes

What is the difference between the first and last desk of a viola section?

A: Half a measure.

Whats an Italians favourite part of football?

Half time, they get to switch sides again

Screw Jokes More Screw Jokes

How many activists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

None, because they can't change anything.

How many bassists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

None the keyboardist can do it with his left hand.

Number Jokes More Number Jokes

Why did Microsoft skip a number when naming their new operating system?

Because 7 ate 9.

How do you change the number of sides on a Pentagon?

Intersect it with a plane.

Public Jokes More Public Jokes

Why wouldn't the teacher fart in public?

Because she was a private tutor

Why was the man arrested for looking at sets of dentures in a dentist's window?

Because it was against the law to pick your teeth in public.

Hick Jokes More Hick Jokes

Why did the hick move to a toxic waste dump after winning the lottery?

They heard it was a Superfund site.

What do you call a country bumpkin from Michigan's Upper Peninsula?

A: A hick-UP

Leave Jokes More Leave Jokes

What's your heigth and position?

Pilot: Well I'm 6 foot tall and I'm sitting front left.

What's the last thing each tickle-me-elmo doll gets before leaving the factory?

Two test tickles