Lottery Jokes

What would you do if i won the lottery?

Wife: I'd take half and leave. Husband: Well here's $6 and you can start packing anytime now.

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What would you do if you won the lottery?

Two friends meet together and one asks: What would you do if you won the lottery? -I would build a brothel! Oh, and if it went wrong and you loose money? -I'd open it to the public

Why did the Greenlander get so angry when he didn't win the lottery?

Because he was inuit to win it

Why did the hick move to a toxic waste dump after winning the lottery?

They heard it was a Superfund site.

What has six balls and screws everybody?

The lottery.

What do they call the lottery in Africa?

Celebrity adoption.

What did Helen Keller say when she won the lottery?

uunnnnnnnnnnnnngggggggggggggg!

What does a guy who can predict the lottery numbers 99% of the time have in common with the letters C, D, G, H, J, K, M, N, O, P, Q, R, S, T, U, V, W, X, Y, and Z?

They're not infallible

How amazing is it that nobody in the same Kingdom as Cinderella , had the same sized feet as her ?

She should play the lottery too !

What lottery did the broom win?

The sweepstakes.

Why did the former fitter turned baker enter the lottery?

To win dough.

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What's the difference between a person that just won the lottery and a fairy in salt water?

One is tickled pink, the other is a pickled Tink.

Who's there ! Charles ! Charles who ?

Charles your luck on the lottery !

What did the electrical engineer do when she found out that she hadn't won the lottery?

She soldered on.

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Inuit Jokes More Inuit Jokes

Why did the Eskimo break up with his girlfriend?

He just wasn't really Inuit...

What did the Alaska Native's girlfriend say when she broke up with him?

I'm just not that Inuit."*

Pick Jokes More Pick Jokes

What was the bear's favourite pick-up line?

Hey baby, what's ursine?

Why dose the navy use liquid soap?

Because it takes longer to pick up.

R Jokes More R Jokes

What's a pirate's favorite favorite letter?

You'd think its R but it's actually the C

What's a redditor who makes pirate jokes' favorite letters?

It could be R and the C, but they definitely aren't OC.

Number Jokes More Number Jokes

Why did the number one go to jail?

187

How do you call a play on numbers?

A pin.

Time Jokes More Time Jokes

What did the guy who got fired for always being late say?

It was just a matter of time.

When is the only time a white NFL wide receiver is a good thing?

When your sister tells you she's dating an NFL wide receiver.

Toxic Waste Dump Jokes More Toxic Waste Dump Jokes

Why does California have more lawyers and New Jersey have more toxic waste dumps?

New Jersey got to choose first

Why is it that New Jersey got all the toxic waste dumps and California got all the lawyers?

New Jersey had first choice.

Husband Jokes More Husband Jokes

What did your husband say?

He said 'Thank you'. "

Whenever we keep the money in the bags our son steals it, I don't know what to do?

Husband : Keep it in his books. I know he will never touch them....

I. Jokes More I. Jokes

How do you spell "we" with two letters without using the letters W and E?

U and I.

Why is the alphabet of a pirate incomplete ?

Because they lost an I.