Million Dollar Jokes

What is a small loan of money?

a small loan of a million dollars"

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How do you turn a little boy into a little girl?

With a small loan of a million dollars.

How does a racist joke start?

A small loan of a million dollars.

Why did the rich man go crazy?

He had one-million dollars, but no cents.

What's the quickest way to make nine million dollars?

Date Simon Cowell.

What's the difference between a million dollar car and a pile of dead babies?

There's no million dollar car in my garage.

What is a million years like to you?

God: Like one second. Mortal: What is a million dollars like to you God: Like one penny. Mortal: Can I have a penny God: Just a second.

How does a musician make a million dollars?

They start with 2 million.

Who makes a million dollars a day?

Someone who works in a mint.

What's the easiest way to make a million dollars?

Invest a billion.

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What is the easiest way to make a banana split?

Cut it in half.

What is the easiest way for a stressed astronaut to unwind and decompress?

By opening the door.

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Why do engineers confuse Christmas and Halloween?

Because OCT 31= DEC 25

Why do programmers always get Christmas and Halloween confused?

Because: 25 DEC == 31 OCT Merry Christmas Fellow Nerds! :)

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What do astronomers do when they have nowhere else to turn?

They default in our stars

Why are TV's attracted to people?

Because we turn them on. / /

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What's the difference between a dead baby and a Porsche?

I've never been inside a Porsche. Nor do I have 12 Porsches in my garage.

What is the difference between a pile of dead babies and a convertable?

I keep one in my garage and one in my closet. Edit:typo.

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What is the difference between the deflate gate controversy and my wife?

Only one shows an interest in the balls.

What did Adam say to his wife on the day before Christmas?

It's Christmas, Eve!

Ask Jokes More Ask Jokes

When people go to ask me "hey man, are you from Los Angeles?

I'll be like "nah dude,I just really like the french feminine definite article"

When Lil John goes to a hotel and they ask him if he wants turn down service, does he refuse?

That's all.

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What did Joan Rivers say to God when she arrived?

Get a new robe!

What did God say to Jesus?

This lawn ain't gonna mow itself.

Penny Jokes More Penny Jokes

What lands as often on its tail as it does its head?

A penny.

Why is a cat like a penny?

Because it has a head on one side and a tail on the other.