Nyc Jokes

What is a NYC nanosecond?

If you are stuck at a red light, its the time that it takes for the occupant of the car behind you to honk his horn when the light turns green.

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What do you call an earthquake in NYC?

Harlem Shake.

How many square feet are in the average NYC apartment?

Zero. Feet are feet shaped.

What's the difference between a yellow cab and a green cab in NYC?

The green cabs haven't ripened yet.

What do you call a bike in NYC that has been standing out in the sun for hours?

Tire-less

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Sun Jokes More Sun Jokes

What did the sun god say in apology for all he had done wrong?

I Apollogize".

What did Earth say to the Sun?

My life revolves around you!

Foot Jokes More Foot Jokes

What does the Jolly Green Giant have on his feet?

Pota-TOES!

When one points and asks his friend, "Is that statue a foot?

To which his friend replies, "No, it's about four and a half feet."

Turn Jokes More Turn Jokes

Why don't golf courses ever serve sandwiches?

They always turn out to be sub par.

Why shouldn't you let the scientists have an antelope?

They'll turn it into a bombardeer

Stand Jokes More Stand Jokes

What does NASCAR stand for?

Non-athletic-sport-centered-around-rednecks (I heard this forever ago and wanted to share. Sorry if it happens to be a repost.)

How many yankees fans does it take to change a lightbulb?

None. They'll just stand in the dark talking about how good the old one was.

Difference Jokes More Difference Jokes

What's the difference between North Korea amd South Korea?

North Koreans have no Seoul. Thought of this very early in the morning waiting to board a plane.

What's the difference between a garbanzo pea and a chick pea?

I've never had a garbanzo pea on my face.

Earthquake Jokes More Earthquake Jokes

Where is the safest place to be during an earthquake?

A: a hot air balloon #JonsSafetyTips #Safety #safetyTip #EarthquakeSafetyFacts

What did one mountain say to the other mountain after an earthquake?

A: It's not my fault.

Light Jokes More Light Jokes

How many boxers does it take to change a light bulb?

One. They're used to having their lights knocked out.That joke turned dark fast. I'll see myself to my respective corner.

How many Bros does it take to change a lightbulb?

None cuz it's already lit af

Square Foot Jokes More Square Foot Jokes

How do you measure a Lego minifigure's shoe size?

In square feet.

How many square feet are in the average NYC apartment?

Zero. Feet are feet shaped.