Phil Jokes

What should we call this giant advertising board?

Phil: A philboard Bill: I have a better idea

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What do you call a Canadian fish with no bones?

Phil, eh?

What do you call a man in a hole?

Phil.

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs, lying in a ditch?

Phil

What do you call a man with no arms &amp no legs... ...hanging on the wall?

Art ...floating in the sea Bob ...laying on the floor Matt ...down in a hole Phil ...sitting in a pot Stu ...

What's the song that coldplay wrote for you?

Yellow. *Phil answers phone*

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Sea Jokes More Sea Jokes

Why did Bill go out to sea on an aircraft carrier?

A: To promote off-shore drilling.

Why is the sea so strong?

It has a lot of mussels.

Chinese Man Jokes More Chinese Man Jokes

When did the Chinese man know it was time to go to the dentist?

Tooth hurty

What do you call a Chinese man allergic to dogs?

Starving.

Pot Jokes More Pot Jokes

What do you end up with when your pig smokes pot?

Baked ham.

What's the difference between a pot of glue, a tuna, and a guitar?

You can tuna guitar but you can't guitar a tuna!

Float Jokes More Float Jokes

How do you know when your vegetables are boiled?

Their wheelchair floats to the top.

Who was the best financier in the Bible?

Noah. He floated his stock while the whole world was in liquidation.

Hang Jokes More Hang Jokes

How are lawyers and apples similar?

They both look good hanging from a tree

Why was the leaf hanged?

For tree-son. Ha-ha. Ha.

Phone Jokes More Phone Jokes

How does a cheerleader answer the phone?

H-E-L-L-O!

What do you call someone who spends the whole time on their phone whenever you hang out?

A phoney friend!

Lie Jokes More Lie Jokes

How can you tell when a politician is lying?

When their lips move

Why should you never trust someone straight after coitus?

Usually they're lying

Lay Jokes More Lay Jokes

What does a man and a linoleum floor have in common?

If you lay 'em right, you can walk on them for 20 years.

What do men and hardwood flooring have in common?

Lay 'em right the first time and you can walk all over them the rest of your life!