Standard Jokes

Whats the difference between a USB and the USA?

One has standards.

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How much does a Polar Bear weigh?

Enough to lower your standards, I'm moonsoutgoonsout

Why did the banjo player get into heaven?

The devil has standards.

Why do feminists only drive cars with automatic transmissions?

It pains them to have standards.

Why did the Naval Inspector fail the submarine?

Because he found it to be SUB-standard.

Why should apiarists determine standards of beauty?

Because beauty is in the eye of the bee-holder.

What do you like about me?

Me: Your crippling self esteem issues have caused you to lower your standards. Her: What Me: Your eyes

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Landmine Jokes More Landmine Jokes

What does a feminist and a landmine have in common?

They explode when triggered.

What's cheaper than a wall?

Landmines.

Difference Jokes More Difference Jokes

Whats the difference between the FAA and a jet engine?

The engine stops whining after the plane lands.

What's the difference between the United States and a yogurt?

That after 200 years, a yogurt can actually build a community. Haha, happy late 4th of July.

Newspaper Jokes More Newspaper Jokes

What kind of newspaper do cows read?

The Moo York Times

Which newspaper is most popular around cows?

The Moo York Times

Noel Jokes More Noel Jokes

Why don't we call it Christlmas?

Noel.

Why isn't Christmas spelled Christmals?

Because Noel.

Christmas Alphabet Jokes More Christmas Alphabet Jokes

What's the difference between the standard alphabet and Christmas alphabet?

There's Noel.

What is the difference between the Christmas alphabet and the ordinary alphabet?

The Christmas alphabet has NO EL.

Jump Jokes More Jump Jokes

What do you say to the guy who just jumped in the septic tank?

Urine over your head!

Why were the children jumping for Joy?

Because Joy was stuck on the roof.

Taiwanese Jokes More Taiwanese Jokes

Why was the Taiwanese business man so stressed out?

Because he had a Taipei personality.

Why do Taiwanese students always do so well on their standardized tests?

They've got a Taipei personality

Access Jokes More Access Jokes

Why should every woman know a C++ programmer?

Because they'll always let friends access their private members. Ba dum tiss.

What do a stoner lost in the desert and Bolivia have in common?

They're both really high and have no access to water.