What did the Hollywood producer say to the Apes in the zoo when they refused to sign contracts to appear in his new film?

Stop playing it cagey!

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Stop Jokes More Stop Jokes

How'd you get that cut above your eye?

Me: *Remembering dropping my phone on my face* "STOP ASKING ME ABOUT FIGHT CLUB!"

Why did the photon stop drinking after traveling 670 million miles?

because Happy Hour ended.

Play Jokes More Play Jokes

What do you get when you play a country song backwards?

Your wife back, your dog back, your house back...

How do know a clarinet player is playing loud?

A: You can almost hear them.

Hollywood Jokes More Hollywood Jokes

Why does Kevin Bacon not get more leading roles in Hollywood?

Because it's not kosher. http://36.media.tumblr.com/cb0ad7dd38767e0fc2363665afdb5cdd/tumblrinlinentae7hsEL21tw80r81280.jpg

Why does Hollywood loveee to hire British Actors?

Cheap labor.

Ape Jokes More Ape Jokes

How do you stop a thundering herd of Apes?

Hold up your arm and say "Go back you didn't say 'May I'"

Why did the Ape jump off the building?

He wanted to show the world the stuff he was made of!

Sign Jokes More Sign Jokes

Why did the feminist sign up for football?

She wanted to be the center of attention.

How to Skrillex sign his Valentine's Day cards?

I wub wub wub you....

Refuse Jokes More Refuse Jokes

Why did the Australian pirate refuse lunch?

Because he had Somalia.

What do you call a law enforcement agency that refuses to buy it's own vehicles?

The pro-lease department

Contract Jokes More Contract Jokes

What did the Hollywood producer say to the Apes in the zoo when they refused to sign contracts to appear in his new film?

Stop playing it cagey!

Why do the lawyers for the reindeer say they have to pull Santa's sled?

Because they have a claus in their contract.

Appear Jokes More Appear Jokes

Why does light travel faster than sound?

Because some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

What's the difference between a magician and a psychologist?

A magician makes rabbits appear in hats, while a psychologist makes habits appear in rats.

Cagey Jokes More Cagey Jokes

What did the Hollywood producer say to the Apes in the zoo when they refused to sign contracts to appear in his new film?

Stop playing it cagey!

Why is it so hard to get to know Guantanamo Bay detainees?

Because they're too cagey.

Zoo Jokes More Zoo Jokes

What do you get when you put human DNA in a monkey?

A lifetime ban from the Zoo

Why did the Irishman buy two tickets to the zoo?

One to get in and one to get out.