Contract Jokes

What do you call an STD that is contracted in your ear?

Hearing AIDS

Interactive Joke of the Day Mug

Interactive Joke of the Day Mug

Coffee Mug

How do blind people sign contracts?

On the dotted line.

Why do the lawyers for the reindeer say they have to pull Santa's sled?

Because they have a claus in their contract.

What deadly disease can bowls contract?

Ebowla

Why shouldn't you enter into a contract with Wolverine?

Because of his retractable clause.

What did the Hollywood producer say to the Apes in the zoo when they refused to sign contracts to appear in his new film?

Stop playing it cagey!

What disease is most easily contracted by touching your hands together?

The clap.

What do you call an actor from Alabama that is forced by contract to play a certain character in a production?

Role tied.

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Pull Jokes More Pull Jokes

How do you cure the hiccups?

Dunk your head in a bucket of water and pull it out twice.

What do a pregnant teenager, frozen beer, and a burned pizza have in common?

Some idiot forgot to pull it out in time.

Play Jokes More Play Jokes

Why couldn't the leopard play Q: Why couldn't the leopard play hide and seek?

A: Because he was always spotted.

What do you call Kurt Russel playing an archaeologist?

Kurt Fossil

Zoo Jokes More Zoo Jokes

Why did the zoo close the big cat exhibit?

Because they just kept lion around!

How did the tiger escape from the zoo without being spotted?

Tigers have stripes.

Ape Jokes More Ape Jokes

How do you stop a thundering herd of Apes?

Hold up your arm and say "Go back you didn't say 'May I'"

What do you get when you cross an ape with a calculator?

A Hairy Reasoner. (Andy Rooney used to enjoy this one)

Sle Jokes More Sle Jokes

When I was kid, and we'd go sledding on a cold snowy day, Ya know how often I had to rub my hands together to stay warm?

Intermittenly.

Why do the lawyers for the reindeer say they have to pull Santa's sled?

Because they have a claus in their contract.

Contraction Jokes More Contraction Jokes

Why was the pregnant woman screaming "wouldn't, shouldn't, couldn't!"?

She was having contractions.

What was the favorite food of the thrifty Italian who loved contractions?

A pasta free.

Italian Jokes More Italian Jokes

What do you call an Italian's semi-formal shirt?

Marco's polo

What happened to the pimp who ate too much Italian food?

He got Pasta-toots.

Blind People Jokes More Blind People Jokes

What do blind people think of a basketball?

It's a never ending story.

Why are blind people bad at programming?

Because they can't C