Abe Lincoln Jokes

What did Abe Lincoln say after a night of drinking?

I set WHO free?"

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What did Abe Lincoln say after a three day drinking binge?

Wait I freed ?!?!?"

What did Abe Lincoln say to the judge when he asked how he pleas?

I'm in a cent.

What did Abe Lincoln say when he was arrested?

I'm-in-a-cent!

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Free Jokes More Free Jokes

What color are apples?

BOBO THE GORILLA: (signing) Please free me from this prison ME: (writing) Still struggling with colors

What's the difference between Santa Claus and Harry Potter?

Santa would never free an elf.

Night Jokes More Night Jokes

I had a dream that I was a muffler last night.

I woke up exhausted!

What did JFK say before going to visit Marilyn Monroe?

I choose to go to Marilyn's hotel room this night and do the naughty things, not because she is easy, but because I am hard.

Day Jokes More Day Jokes

Why don't we see more midget actors?

I guess you can say that they are in short supply these days.

What do you call a group of millionaires sitting around watching the NBA finals ?

The Lakers . (Laker fan here. Sorry prob would have been more appropriate last week during the finals. ) Edit: I heard this some where the other day. I can't take credit for the joke .

Cent Jokes More Cent Jokes

Why was the skunk arrested for counterfeiting?

Because he gave out bad scents (cents).

Which president was least guilty?

Lincoln, because he is in a cent.

Arrest Jokes More Arrest Jokes

Which Star Wars character was arrested for drunk driving?

Han Solo. Because he took a shot first.

Why was the guy from 127 Hours arrested for espionage?

He was proven guilty of providing arms to Iraq

Set Jokes More Set Jokes

Why doesn't ISIS appear in any Sci-Fi shows or movies?

because they are set in the future.

The punchline often arrives before the set-up.

Do you know the problem with UDP jokes?

Wait Jokes More Wait Jokes

How do you keep a idiot waiting?

I'll tell you guys later.

Why do you think I spend too much time at my computer?

Well dear... Every time I ask you to close the windows you answer with "Please wait while your computer shuts down"...

Ask Jokes More Ask Jokes

What did little Paul Bunyan say when his mom asked him how he damaged his favorite toy?

It was an ax-I-dent.

How can you tell if a person works in HR or IT?

Ask them to pronounce the following: **HIRES**