Abe Lincoln Jokes

What did Abe Lincoln say after a night of drinking?

I set WHO free?"

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What did Abe Lincoln say after a three day drinking binge?

Wait I freed ?!?!?"

What did Abe Lincoln say to the judge when he asked how he pleas?

I'm in a cent.

What did Abe Lincoln say when he was arrested?

I'm-in-a-cent!

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Ask Jokes More Ask Jokes

What's the worst part about locking your keys in your car outside of a Planned Parenthood?

Going inside to ask for a coat hanger.

When I was on the plane the stewardess asked, do you need some headphones?

I said, Hell Yeah, but how did you know my name was Phones

Cent Jokes More Cent Jokes

What happened to the minter who went crazy?

He stopped making cents.

Which president was the most logical?

Lincoln. He made the most cents.

Drink Jokes More Drink Jokes

Why did the man open a rooftop bar?

He wanted to have drinks on the house.

Why don't math majors like to drink alcohol?

Because they don't like to drink and derive.

Wait Jokes More Wait Jokes

Why don't pediatricians like to wait?

Because they have little patients.

Whats the difference between a priest and acne?

One waits till you're 14 before coming on your face.

Judge Jokes More Judge Jokes

What do you call a judge with no left hand and left leg?

He is alright, but one sided!

What do you call a judge with no thumbs?

Justice Fingers!

Day Jokes More Day Jokes

How's your day Dog ?

Rough...

What do all North Korean's say when you ask them how their day was?

can't complain"

Arrest Jokes More Arrest Jokes

Why did the French police arrested the Muslim teenager?

Because he was trying to detonate a Samsung Note 7.

Why don't plumbers ride bikes?

Because they'd get arrested for peddling crack

Night Jokes More Night Jokes

Why do pro gamers get up at 1:37pm?

Because it's 13:37! I came up with this last night and have been waiting to post it until 1:37pm my time.

What do you call two obese lesbians who are about to turn in for the night?

Bedward ScissorHams