Advice Jokes

What was the desert's piece of advice?

Gobi yourself

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What advice would you give to a fish?

Stay in school and keep up with current affairs.

Why should you never trust advice from a group of gryphons?

Half of them are lyin'.

What advice did the frog give to the condom manufacturer?

Rib it.

What's the best part about taking advice from r/relationships ?

You'll never have to worry about being in a long-term relationship.

Why do single women take advice from other single women?

That's like Stevie Wonder giving Ray Charles driving directions

What advice to cows give?

Turn the udder cheek and mooooove on!

What advice does Jay Leno receive when sad?

Chin up pal.

Who would you ask for advice about a lion?

a lion or a gerbil The lion, because by virtue of being a lion, a lion is an expert on lions.

Never take advice from electrons.

They are always negative.

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Stevie Wonder Jokes More Stevie Wonder Jokes

What do you call a tennis match between Helen Keller and Stevie Wonder?

Endless love

What did Stevie Wonder think when he got a cheese grater for christmas?

That it was the most violent book he'd ever read.

Stay Jokes More Stay Jokes

What goes over the water, and under the water, but stays dry?

Jesus in a submarine.

How to tell an Irishman from a Scotsman on St. Patrick's day?

One wants to stay drunk all the time and the other doesn't want to pay the tab.

Sleep Jokes More Sleep Jokes

What fun drink can put your kid to sleep?

Bleach

What is the car that everyone sleeps in?

The Ford Siesta Many thanks to for that one.

Drive Jokes More Drive Jokes

Why was the Newfie excited when he heard Quebec might leave Canada?

It wouldn't take him as long to drive to Toronto

Why didn't George like driving through tunnels with people in his car?

He didn't want to get carpool tunnel syndrome.

Ask Jokes More Ask Jokes

Why did the stupid racing car driver make ten pit stops during the Grand Prix?

He was asking for directions.

How many times can you celebrate a 29th birthday before people catch on?

asking for a friend

Trust Jokes More Trust Jokes

Why should you never trust a one armed philosophy professor?

He never mentions "on the other hand"

Why can't you trust a garbage man who loves his job?

Because he's always talking trash.

Good Jokes More Good Jokes

What's the best part about buying dishes that are made in Mexico?

They wash themselves.

What's the best name for a cigarette company?

TOBA Co

Long Term Relationship Jokes More Long Term Relationship Jokes

Why can't astronauts stay in a long term relationship?

They need space.

Why did Chris Brown stop having long-term relationships?

He wanted 2 hit singles