Budget Jokes

What do you call a budget that's cut short from the middle?

A midget.

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Why was the accountant constipated?

He couldn't budget.

What is a Budget?

A: An orderly system for living beyond your means.

Why couldn't the accountant keep his car in working order?

Because it broke down and he couldn't budget.

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Accountant Jokes More Accountant Jokes

What do actuaries do to liven up their office party?

Invite an accountant.

What did the accountant with constipation do?

He worked is out with a pencil.

Break Jokes More Break Jokes

How many babies does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

I don't know... I broke the lightbulb after I threw the first one.

Why didn't Jesus' business break even?

It wasn't making enough prophet

Middle Jokes More Middle Jokes

What do you call a swimming hole in the middle of a farm?

A rural pool.

What takes longer to run, first to second, or second to third?

Second to third, because there's a short stop in the middle!

Work Jokes More Work Jokes

What's the similarity between communism and a pencil?

They both only really work on paper

Why are you always rushing out of here after work?

You're single with no kids." Me: " Exactly."

Midget Jokes More Midget Jokes

What did the doctor say to the midget waiting in the lobby?

You're just going to have to be a little patient.

What did the cannibals do with the midget?

Put another shrimp on the barbie.

Live Jokes More Live Jokes

What do you call a clock tower somebody lives in?

A timely manor.

What did the doctor say to the cancer patient?

You have tumor months to live.

Mean Jokes More Mean Jokes

What exactly does BYOB mean?

Bring your own beer" Bill Nye the Science Guy slowly slides the bacteria sample back in his lab coat

Where are the groceries?

ME: Bacon was on sale. WIFE: Oh god, what does that mean *sound of dump truck backing into driveway*

Cut Jokes More Cut Jokes

What's the cutest part of a house?

The awning. I know, I'm sorry.

What's the difference between a baby and a tree?

Trees don't bleed when you cut their limbs off.