Budget Jokes

What do you call a budget that's cut short from the middle?

A midget.

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Why was the accountant constipated?

He couldn't budget.

What is a Budget?

A: An orderly system for living beyond your means.

Why couldn't the accountant keep his car in working order?

Because it broke down and he couldn't budget.

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Mean Jokes More Mean Jokes

What's a penguins favourite relative?

Aunt Arctica! PENGUIN . . ME makes flies over head motion PENGUIN I don't know what that means

What's the worst thing about getting bitten by a poisonous spider?

You're probably Australian. EDIT: I mean venomous, not poisonous. I am sorry

Work Jokes More Work Jokes

How do you know the devil is white?

Because he owns hell, he doesn't work for hell.

Who will I share the sunset with now?

sobs* Friend: Bad breakup Me: No. *wipes tears* My Instagram isn't working.

Break Jokes More Break Jokes

What did the woman do when she broke up with her boyfriend for her Mexican lover?

Go the other guey.

What did the basic girl say after all her writing utensils broke?

I literally cant even write now

Constipate Jokes More Constipate Jokes

What does the internet need to take when its constipated?

Google Fiber Note: Randomly came up with this joke today

What laxative did the constipated man ask for?

Poop-ease

Car Jokes More Car Jokes

How do you fit five elephants into a car ?

Two in the front two in the back and the other in the glove compartment !

What car does Luke Skywalker drive?

A Toyoda

Middle Jokes More Middle Jokes

What's your middle name?

Why are you single What's wrong with your big toe

Why put a baseball bat up when you can just lay it down on a stair in the middle of the stairway?

What could go wrong " My son apparently

Cut Jokes More Cut Jokes

How do you drown a polar bear?

Cut a hole in the ice. Put a line of peas around the hole. When the polar bear takes a pea, kick him in the ice hole.

Why did Dr Frankenstein have his telephone cut off?

Because he wanted to win the Nobel prize!

Live Jokes More Live Jokes

What kind of dog lives in a particle accelerator?

A Fermilabrador Retriever.

What is the least pleasant state to live in?

Missouri.