Favourite Jokes

What is a Brit's favorite letter?

You'd think it would be "T", but it is "U". *Favourite, btw.

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How do jockeys determine which racehorses are the favourites?

They take a gallop poll!

What's a ghosts favourite Christmas entertainment ?

A phantomime !

Who are the hamburgers favourite people?

Vegetarians!

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Tour Jokes More Tour Jokes

What's your favourite animal joke?

I give tours at a zoo. Each tour goes for a couple of hours so it is good to engage the guests and make the tour a bit more fun. What is your favourite animal joke I can use at work?

What is the definition of a Soviet String Quartet?

A: A Soviet Symphony Orchestra after a tour of the USA!

Stephen Hawk Jokes More Stephen Hawk Jokes

What's the quietest album in the world?

Stephen Hawking - unplugged

What did Stephen Hawking say when his computer crashed?

Nothing.

Bonus Jokes More Bonus Jokes

What weebles and wobbles but can't get up?

Grandpa having a seizure. Bonus: Statistically speaking, 1 in 5 adult men

What do you call a group of armpit farters?

A pit orchestra. Bonus: World Record for Armpit Farts in 15s(https://recordsetter.com/world-record/most-armpit-farts-15-seconds/9602)

Work Jokes More Work Jokes

Who will I share the sunset with now?

sobs* Friend: Bad breakup Me: No. *wipes tears* My Instagram isn't working.

What do you think Michael Hastings was working on before he died?

slowing down his car. ... ... shoutout to for this one.

Microwave Jokes More Microwave Jokes

What's the difference between a puppy and a kernel of corn?

Nothing. They both explode when nuked in the microwave.

What does a blonde do when her computer freezes?

She puts in in the microwave.

Wanna Jokes More Wanna Jokes

How many ADD kids does it take to screw in a light bulb?

WANNA RIDE BIKES

What's up with all these idiots on TV trying to talk to ghosts?

I don't even wanna talk to the living.

Word Jokes More Word Jokes

Why do happy people like to sleep in late?

Because they aren't mourning people. I just made this up!! Could you all help me with the wording? It feels like it could be a little better I just don't know how to word it differently while using the same "mourning" pun as the punch line.

Why is the word "smiles" the longest word in English?

Because there is a mile separating the two s'es.

Use Jokes More Use Jokes

Why do we use black pens on white paper?

So hangman is more realistic.

What do builders use to make websites?

Com.crete.